


The Renegade Heart

by Pixelatrix



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 29,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixelatrix/pseuds/Pixelatrix
Summary: Reposting of an old ME story I had on FFnet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So last year I had a REALLY bad mental health day and deleted all my FFnet stories. Something I regret now, but...there you go. I have most of the stories, and I may upload them all here. At the very least, I'm going to upload this one. I'll do a few chapters at a time until I get it all up.
> 
> And obviously, it's one of the first ME stories I ever wrote. My writing has progress since then, but I'm not up to a full rewrite so I'm copy/pasting as is.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Beta: I honestly can't remember who beta'd this. It was probably CelticGrace, but I can't remember.
> 
> Bioware owns all sadly.

 “She did what?” Udina paced his office while Anderson and Hackett looked on.  Hackett worried that the Ambassador was going to pop a blood vessel. “An investigation into obtaining evidence against Saren should not have required multiple gunfights on the Wards.”

Hackett turned away from the angry politician to hide a smile.  Anderson had filled them in on the various incidents that Shepard had managed to involve herself in so far.  They couldn’t argue with the results though.  The proof against Saren had been found, and humanity had its first spectre.

“Why was she even recommended as humanity’s representative?” Udina stopped pacing to look for someone to blame. “She’s a liability.”

Hackett exchanged a glance with Anderson before responding. “Commander Shepard has proven herself to be an incredibly capable leader under impossible circumstances.”

“She’s a loose cannon.” Udina disagreed. “Alliance officer do not have shoot outs in the middle of the market.”

“Do you have statistics on that?” Hackett ignored the now sputtering Udina.

“Would you prefer that I let Saren destroy our only evidence?” Shepard stepped into the room.

“I would prefer that you not draw attention to yourself.” Udina looked to Anderson for support.

“It might be better to avoid pissing the council off.” Anderson leaned back against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

“They don’t seem to be the ones that are pissed off.” Shepard didn’t appear to be concerned about Udina.

“You are still under Alliance command, and I suggest that you learn to behave accordingly.” Udina moved towards the Commander.

Hackett watched the emotions play across Shepard’s face before she regained control of herself.  HE decided to speak up before the situation deteriorated further.

“You can’t deny the results.  Shepard not only obtained the Quarian’s evidence but she also managed to expose a criminal underground that the council couldn’t touch.” Hackett stepped between Udina and Shepard. “She did a damn find job with zero support from you.”

Shepard gave him a confused frown before focusing all her attention on Udina. “Your preference is irrelevant Ambassador Udina. As a council spectre, I don’t require your approval or your permission.  I suggest that you stay the fuck out of my way.”

‘This is going to be a political nightmare.” Udina once again looked to Anderson. “She’s under your command, Captain.”

“Your political maneuvering ensured that I was sidelined.” Anderson washed his hands of the issue with a shrug.

“Admiral?” Udina dismissed Anderson and looked to Hackett for support instead.

“I have a rogue spectre to hunt.” Shepard tossed a datapad on Udina’s desk. “Here’s the information that I’ve uncovered so far.  I’ll just be heading out.”

“I’m not finished with you.” Udina stepped between Shepard and the door.

Hackett watched in amusement while Shepard simply shoved the ambassador out of the way and exited the room.

 “It would appear, Udina, that she is finished with you.”  Hackett smiled at the angry politician before following Shepard out of the room. Hackett found Shepard leaning against the railing outside the embassy staring across the Presidium. She didn’t bother to look up when he joined her.

“Shouldn’t you be in a cushy office on Arcturus?” Shepard kept her gaze focused on the nearby fountains.

“Cushy?” Hackett found himself equal parts amused and aggravated.

“What do you want from me?” Shepard turned shrewd green eyes towards him.

“Excuse me?” Hackett frowned in confusion.

“Why is a well-respected Admiral whose career shot up the ranks at light-speed taking such interest in a Commander with a not so clean past?” Shepard got straight to the point.

Before Hackett could respond, they were interrupted by several members of the _Normandy_ crew. Shepard threw a salute and a wink his direction then followed her crew towards C-Sec and the Alliance dock.  His eyes followed speck of red hair until it was no longer visible. He turned to find Captain Anderson watching him.

“David.”

“Stephen.”

“Has Udina recovered?” Hackett ignored the question in Anderson’s eyes.

“I believe so,” Anderson laughed. “You shouldn’t encourage her behavior.”

Hackett raised an eyebrow. “Commander Shepard did the job that she was asked to do.  I believe in standing behind any soldier who goes above and beyond the call of duty.”

“She needs…”

“…someone who doesn’t question her every move.” Hackett finished Anderson’s sentence for him.

“What if she goes too far? Do I need to mention Torfan?” Anderson was not amused.

“If she gets the job done, then I don’t give a damn.  And perhaps I should also point out that she wouldn’t be the first Alliance officer to go too far in the line of duty.”  Hackett stared pointedly at the stunned Anderson. “I believe it’s time that I was getting back to Arcturus. I trust you to keep me updated on Udina.”


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard sat on a bench looking across the Presidium. Today had not gone all that well.  It started with refusing a direct order from Rear Admiral Mikhailovich. He was a blowhard and denying him access to the _Normandy_ wasn’t the worst thing on her record.  Punching the reporter in the face was probably not the smartest thing to do on camera.  The moment Udina heard about her latest incidents she was certain the entire Citadel would listen to his angry screams. Blowhards.

The stupid bitch of a reporter had been way out of line.  She didn’t regret punching al-Jilani though maybe next time it would be smarter to shoot the camera first.  She sent Alenko to deliver an update to Udina and Anderson.  It was remarkably simple to manipulate the Lieutenant into the lion’s den.

“Fuck it.” Shepard stood and headed to Chora’s Den.  A drink might help to calm the frayed edges of her temper.

The club on the lower section of the wards was strangely similar to strip clubs on Earth.  It was almost déjà vu when she ran into Finch loitering outside. Her bad day was clearly not going to improve.  By the time the bouncer tossed her out of the bar, Harkin was in the hospital with a broken jaw, and her old buddy from the Reds was in the morgue.  The damn turians were pleased, but that meant fuck all to her.  C=sec couldn’t touch a spectre, but it was just another damn thing that Udina would bitch about. Then again, the Ambassador was always complaining about something.

“Did you really have to shoot someone at Chora’s Den again?” Anderson was waiting for her outside the ship when she stepped off the elevator.

Shepard brushed a speck of dust from her shoulder. “Yes, I did.”

“Commander, please, don’t give me a reason to regret my recommendation of you.” Anderson stood his ground.

“Captain, with all due respect to you and your rank, I can’t control what you choose to regret.” Shepard met his gaze without flinching. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a mission report to file.”

Shepard could feel his eyes on her even after the airlock had sealed shut. She shook off her annoyance, and once the decontamination had finished, she headed to bridge to tell Joker to set a course for Presrop in the Century system.  It was time to face her demons and deal with Major Kyle. With that settled, she decided to check in on Alenko.  He was tinkering with a control panel in the mess when she found him.

“Ambassador Udina was not pleased.” Alenko turned towards her when she approached.

“Udina is never pleased with anyone but himself.” Shepard leaned against the nearby wall. “I wouldn’t take it too personally.”

“Maybe. Should we really be antagonizing him?” Alenko appeared to be more concerned for Shepard than himself.

“Your concern is very sweet but unnecessary. Udina can’t touch me, and he knows it. All he can really do is annoy me.” Shepard winked at the Lieutenant and bit back a laugh when his neck flushed bright red. “We’re on our way to Presrop. Tell Williams to get ready; I want both of you with me. Alliance missions should be handled by Alliance marines.”

“Aye Aye.”

She watched him walk away and grinned when he glanced back catching her watching his ass. Alenko was naïve and straight-laced, but he was cute.  It might prove to be a fun distraction.  Telling herself to focus; she headed into her quarters to gather her thoughts and prepare for the upcoming confrontation with her past.

Torfan had made her infamous. Infamy was never good for a marine’s career.  Her debrief afterwards taught her to guard against leaving her actions open to interpretation.  The grey areas gave the politicians and the bras at the top of the food chain too much wiggle room to fuck her over.  If they were going to throw her into the brig for something, it damn well had better been worth it.

“Commander, we’ve reached Century.” Joker’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“Tell Alenko and Williams to meet me at the Mako.” Shepard headed for the garage.

An hour later, Shepard was in the Mako waiting for the _Normandy_ to pick them up. Alenko and Williams were silent in the back seats. The silence was very loud and very disapproving. Shepard felt mixed emotions at the results of their mission. Torfan was officially behind her. But the bullet between Kyle’s eyes might have been overkill. The Major had been a weak leader, and the disaster on the ground against the batarians had been the result of his failures.  She had cleaned up his mistakes then and now.

“Does diplomacy mean anything to you at all?” Kaidan finally voiced his thoughts.

“Diplomacy only works when everyone is interested in a compromise. They killed two Alliance negotiators. I was only engaging them in the same way.” Shepard watched the _Normandy_ approach once onboard; she turned her full attention to the Lieutenant. “Feel free to lodge a complaint if you disagree.”

“I…no…that’s not what I…” Alenko stammered to a halt.

“Lighten up L.T.; I’m pretty sure that the Commander is just yanking your chain.” Williams slapped Alenko on the back then hopped out of the vehicle.

“I wasn’t…”

Shepard waved off his attempt to explain. “Your cute Alenko, I never take it personally when cute officers disagree with me.”

“Cute?”

Shepard left the clearly stunned Alenko and headed up to the Comm room to report to Admiral Hackett.

“I take it from your report that the cult wasn’t open to a peaceful resolution.” Hackett never bothered with silly things like hello.

“No.”

“And Major Kyle?”

“He is no longer an issue,” Shepard shrugged.

“You might be interested to know that Ms. al-Jilani’s story on you just aired,” Hackett spoke after a lengthy silence from Shepard.

“Not my finest moment, but she had it coming” Shepard got the feeling that Hackett was trying not to laugh.

“She shouldn’t have cornered you like that, but perhaps in the future, you might avoid punching members of the press on camera.” Hackett didn’t bother to hide his smile. “I understand that there was an incident involving the Reds on the Citadel.”

Shepard’s mouth dropped open in surprise for a moment. “How the hell did you hear about that?”

“You aren’t the only Alliance officer with a less than savory past.  The uniform gives you a chance to start again, and that can be a powerful thing.  It would be wise to avoid any further contact if you can.” Hackett ignored her question.

“Yes, sir.”

“Keep up the good work, Commander. Hackett out.”

“Good work?” Shepard stared at the now blank comm. “This is what he calls good work. He is a very strange admiral.”

“Talking to yourself is usually considered to be a bad sign.” Alenko stepped into the room. “Joker wanted to know if he should set a course for Feros.”

Shepard nodded. “Feros by way of the Terra Nova, unfortunately, we’ve got some strange readings coming from an asteroid that is heading towards Terra Nova.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blah, blah, blah.
> 
> Reposting of old story. I don't know if this was my first ME fanfiction, but it's definitely close to it. This was before I gave my Shepard's first names and face claims. (heh. That rhymed.)

The mission on the asteroid did nothing to dissuade Shepard from her hatred of batarians. It also led to the deaths of pretty much all of the hostages.  Balak paid for their deaths with his own.  It was a hollow victory, but all wins in battle were hollow. It was a hell of a lot better than losing though. The trouble was that it didn’t feel much better when everyone got blown to pieces anyway.

With the _Normandy_ headed for Feros, Shepard took a moment to catch her breath. Lying on her back on her bed, she stared up at the ceiling going through the updated mission plans in her mind.  Vakarian and Alenko would be joining her in the Mako. The former C-sec officer had a penchant for rule-breaking that she really hoped would rub off on Alenko eventually.

“Do you have a moment?” Alenko spoke after tapping on her door.

“Come in.” Shepard decided to stay put, Alenko was always easy to fluster, and life was too short not to take full advantage of it.

“I was wondering if…oh.” Alenko stopped mid-step and mid-sentence when he noticed the Commander on the bed.

“You were wondering?” Shepard prompted after it seemed he was frozen in place.

“Do you think the council intends for us to apprehend Saren?” Alenko kept his eyes firmly focused on the wall behind her.

“For fuck's sake Lieutenant, I’m on a bed fully clothed.” Shepard sat up with an annoyed huff. “You don’t have to stare at the damn wall. Are you always this fucking uptight?”

“Yes?”

Shepard barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I worry about you, Alenko. I worry about you. In answer to your question, no, I don’t think they do. But I intend to stop him irrespective of their opinions on the matter.”

“Stop him or arrest him?”

“I intend to stop him with a shotgun blast to the head.” Shepard pushed herself up off the bed.

“Shouldn’t we at least try to take him alive?” Kaidan took a step back when she took one forward.

“I don’t think Saren will allow himself to be _taken alive_.” Shepard moved closer to Alenko with a wicked glint in her eyes.

“I should go.” Alenko backed up against her desk.

Shepard leaned forward to whisper in the Lieutenant’s ear. “You seem very nervous.”

Alenko bolted out of the room, and Shepard fell into her desk chair laughing.  It was almost too easy to pick on him.  She was probably scarring him for life.  Ahh well, what was life without just a little bit of bad behavior? They should be well on their way to Feros by now. She decided to check on the Mako and make sure Garrus hadn’t messed up the engine with his endless tweaking.

***Four Hours Later***

“Giant plants.” Joker stared at Shepard when she stepped into the bridge. “Did you see that shit coming?”

“No, that was definitely not what I expected to find.  The next time we’re fucking nuking the damn thing.  Plants should not talk.” Shepard shook her head then headed towards her quarters and a much-needed shower.

“Admiral Hackett’s on the Comm for you.” Pressly stopped her just before she got to the door.

She sighed but surrendered to the inevitable and headed into the Comm Room. “Admiral, what can I do for you?”

“I received a copy of the report on Asteroid X57. You saved a lot of lives.” Hackett waved off her salute before she bothered to offer it.

“Is that all?” Shepard was too tired and too covered in thorian sludge to give a damn about anything at the moment.

“Are you planning on cutting the connection on me?” Hackett asked with a slight smile. “I hear that’s Joker’s favorite thing to do at the moment.”

Shepard found herself smiling in return. “Not yet, did you need something else?”

“I found something that might interest you.”

“Ok?” Shepard finally spoke into the silence.

“I was able to find a little bit of information about your parents. I can forward it to your extranet account.” Hackett didn’t mince words.

“Yes, sir.” Shepard was stunned.

“Good.” Hackett fell silent again.

“Was there anything else?”

“Are you fraternizing with another officer?” Hackett’s gaze was piercing even through the holographic filter.

Shepard grinned at the Admiral. “Not yet.”

“You, Shepard, are what I would call trouble.” Hackett shook his head in amusement.

“And what exactly would that make you, sir?” Shepard knew she was past bordering on inappropriate but he started it. Besides, that’s what made it fun.

“Hackett out.”

Shepard stared at the now blank comm. “The cheating bastard. He always does that. Now I know how the council feels.”

“You seem to talk to yourself a lot.”

Shepard glanced over her shoulder to find Alenko waiting. “It keeps me sane. I’m covered in plant goop. Is this something that can’t wait until I’m not dripping on the floor?”

“I just wondered if the right decision was made on Feros.” He stepped further into the room.

“With regards to what?”

“The colonists, I mean, shouldn’t we have at least tried to save them?” Alenko was an idealist. Idealists were the bane of her existence.

“When someone shoots a bullet at you, I believe the best thing to do is to shoot back. That’s something that most marines learn in basic.” Shepard sat gingerly in a nearby chair. The slime was starting to get on her nerves.

“We could have used the gas grenades. Wasn’t it at least worth the risk to try?” Kaidan took a seat next to the Commander.

“And if you or Vakarian took a bullet in the process? What then? It’s easy to say that we should have saved them.  I won’t willingly sacrifice my squad unnecessarily.  They were the enemy.  Pity will get you killed.  Dead marines aren’t much use to the Alliance.” Shepard had no sympathy for Alenko.

“Don’t civilian lives come first?” Alenko leaned forward in the chair.

“Innocent lives do come first when at all possible.  The problem is that there is no perfect scenario.  This isn’t a training mission where the bullets are fake, and the enemies are holograms. If you can’t understand that, then you don’t belong on this ship, and I hope that you never have a command of your own.” Shepard stood and headed for the door leaving Kaidan deep in thought.


	4. Chapter 4

So giant talking spiders, eh?” Joker called out when Shepard stepped onto the _Normandy_. “What’s next a unicorn?”

Shepard collapsed into the seat next to Joker on the bridge. “Well, technically, only the queen spider could speak.  But at least I got to vaporize the fucking bugs.”

Joker grinned at her. “That’s what I love about you, Commander.  You blow the fuckers up and let the politicians clean up the mess afterwards.”

“It works.”

“Oh, that reminds me, Alenko’s been pacing the halls waiting for you to get back.  Put the man out of his misery before he wears a hole in the floor of my ship.”  Joker pointed towards CIC where Alenko was trying to watch without being obvious.

“Fucking hell.” Shepard exchanged an amused glance with Joker before heading towards the Lieutenant.

“Commander.”

“Was there something that you needed?” Shepard continued through the CI, out the door and down the stairs towards her quarters.  If Alenko really wanted to talk with her, he could damn well do so while she relaxed.

Alenko seemed uneasy but followed her anyway. “I read the files on Torfan that were available to me.”

Shepard sank into a chair and swung her legs up to prop her boots onto the table.  She waved Alenko towards the other chair. “And?”

“Why did you do it?” Alenko stared at the table unable to meet her eyes.

“I was following orders.” Shepard found his lack of eye contact annoying and weak.  She hated weakness. “If you’re going to ask about Torfan, you could at least have the balls to look me in the eyes.”

Alenko glanced up quickly. “Sorry.”

“Alenko.” Shepard stopped herself from voicing her thoughts.  It was doubtful that she would change the Lieutenant in one conversation. She hated wasting good advice on deaf ears.  “Never mind, ask your damn questions.”

“You were following orders?” He seemed to be struggling with the concept.

“Major Kyle told us to clear out the batarian camps. So I did just that. We won.” Shepard glanced over to find a flashing light on her private terminal. “The trouble was that no one else really considered it to be a victory.”

“You were still promoted,” Alenko pointed out.

“And?” Shepard shrugged. “I am forever the butcher of Torfan.  It’s not something that will ever go away.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Regret is a waste of time and energy, Kaidan.  Regret eats your soul if you let it. “Shepard dropped her feet from the table and leaned forward with her elbows resting on her knees.  “You make the best decision with the information that you have at the time. It’s completely fucking pointless to look back.”

“But…”

Shepard stood abruptly and reached over to pull Alenko out of his chair.  Her hands gripped his shirt tightly and yanked him close enough to kiss.  She grinned at him before leaning in for a kiss.  He fell back when she let go.

“Go regret that.” Shepard pushed him towards the door. “I’ve got better things to do.”

Once the Lieutenant had stumbled out the door, Shepard turned towards the new message at her terminal. It turned out to be the file that Hackett had promised to send her about her father.  There wasn’t much information there, but something was better than nothing.  Her father was up until his death a pilot for a private shuttle firm in Philadelphia.  He died in a tragic accident a few weeks before her birth.  There was nothing in the file about her mother.   Someone had left her on the steps of an orphanage in Philadelphia. 

The file also included a little bit of information about her father’s heritage. Military service seemed to run in the family.  Her grandfather had been a lieutenant in the Navy. There were no living members of her family on either side.  Shepard was touched that the Admiral had even bothered to investigate the matter for her.  She saved the files then headed up to the comm room to message Arcturus.

“Commander Shepard.” Hackett looked surprised to see her.

“Thank you for the file.” Shepard was finding it hard to voice the gratitude that she felt. Emotions had never been her strong suit.  It was always so damn awkward.

“I thought it might interest you. I understand that the rachni are no longer a concern.” Hackett’s subject change caught Shepard momentarily off-guard.

“Fucking bugs.”

“Indeed.”

Shepard was struck by how sexy the Admiral was even through the blue hologram.  A mischievous thought came to her, and she found herself grinning.  Hackett’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at the abrupt change.

“Shepard out.”

“Did you just..”

Shepard glared at Presly over her shoulder until he backed out of the room without finishing his sentence. Her hands clenched around the railing, and she watched her knuckles whiten.  Hackett had always been something of an enigma to her.  He also always managed to send her mind into turmoil.  Footsteps behind her interrupted her attempts to regain a sense of equilibrium; she spun around to find Alenko instead of Presly.

“Why did you do that” Alenko stood in front of the exit with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Do what?” Shepard raised an eyebrow. “You are going to have to be more specific.”

“The kiss.”

“You’re cute.  Kissing cute marines has always been a hobby of mine.” Shepard leaned back against the railing.

“Is everything a game to you?” Alenko glared at her. Shepard half expected him to stomp his foot.

“Only the fun parts.” Shepard winked at him. “Lighten up, Kaidan.  Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.”

“There are rules.”

“There are always rules.  I simply choose to be selective about the ones that I follow.” Shepard pushed away from the railing and headed towards the door.

Shepard stepped around Alenko and made her way out of the room over to the Galaxy Map.  She set a course for the Argos Rho cluster to take part in the competition at the Pinnacle station.   She received an invitation from Admiral Ahern days ago and now seemed as good a time as any to take him up on it.  Besides, maybe if Alenko cooled his heels on the _Normandy_ for a few days, he’d grow a pair.


	5. Chapter 5

“I am not a god-damned homing pigeon.” Shepard raged at no one in particular.

The mission assignments from Arcturus were arriving more frequently and in some cases more absurdly.  The last one involved spending an entire fucking day hunting down monkeys on Eletania looking for a data module that had led them into a geth ambush.  It was fucking ridiculous.  Monkey hunter was not on the list of accomplishments that she intended to end her career with.   The module was however safely back with the fifth fleet.  She could not understand why Hackett seemed to think she needed to handle every fucking mission. 

She was drowning her anger in something that vaguely resembled dark ale in Flux.  Doran had informed her that it was imported straight from earth. She wasn’t certain that she believed him. It was better than drinking Wrex’ preferred liquor.  That tasted only slightly better than Thresher Maw venom. A commotion near the door caused her to glance up in time to see both Hackett and Captain Anderson heading her way.

“Fucking hell,” she muttered into the beer before setting the glass down.  “I should’ve listened to Wrex.”

“What was that?” Jenna looked up confused while filling the Commander’s glass.

Shepard ignored the waitress and turned to offer a salute to the two men once they reached the table. “Admiral, Captain.”

“I received a report accusing you of breaking regs.” Anderson didn’t mince words once they’d all taken a seat and received their drinks.

“Me?” Shepard feigned surprise. “I’m sure you are both stunned at the very idea.”

Hackett hid a smile behind his glass while Anderson frowned at her.  Shepard just rolled her eyes at both of them.  Anderson was always such a buzz-kill.

“Are you having relations with one of the officers under your command?” Anderson pushed on with his allegations.

Shepard didn’t bother to hide her laugh that time.  It took a moment before she was composed enough to respond. 

“No, I am not, but mostly because he’s too much of a chicken-shit to break regs.” Shepard glanced over at Hackett and was surprised to find a hint of anger in his eyes.  “I haven’t broken any of your precious rules as of yet, not with regards to sexual deviance in any case.”

“I am beginning to understand Udina’s constant level of frustration.” Anderson’s gaze was definitely disapproving.

“Oh honestly, don’t you have better things to worry about than the person or lack thereof in my bed?” Shepard waved her hand in aggravation and knocked her beer over in the process. “Damn it.”

While Jenna rushed over to clean the table, Shepard watched the two men exchange a glance.  It was the last damn straw for her temper. Without bothering to offer up a salute, she stormed out of Flux and headed down the stairs towards the elevator that went to C-sec headquarters. She was punching the button to call for it repeatedly when the Admiral caught up with her.

“Shepard.” He placed a hand on her arm to keep her from stepping into the elevator.

“Why do you keep sending me on trivial assignments? I’m not a junior flunky.” Shepard glanced down at the hand still holding her arm.

“Because I trust you,” he remarked before reluctantly releasing her arm.

“You trust me to chase monkeys and disarm bombs.  I killed the monkeys.” Shepard raised her eyebrow at him.

“Or maybe I just enjoy being able to speak with you on a regular basis.” Hackett shrugged.

“There is this amazing invention called the extranet. I’ve heard people can send messages on it.” Shepard grinned at the Admiral. “It’s like fucking magic.”

“Are you and Lieutenant Alenko…”

Shepard raised a hand to stop the question. “That is none of your damn business.”

“And that is not an answer.” Hackett followed her when she stepped into the elevator.

“It’s the only one that you can expect.” She frowned at him. “Why are you so interested?”

Hackett was silent until they arrived at C-Sec. “I always like to check out the competition.”

“Competition?” Shepard barely caught herself from tripping when she stepped out of the elevator. 

She didn’t get a chance to question him further though. Hackett simply smiled and then reached out to press the elevator button.  Shepard watched until the doors closed completely then headed back towards the _Normandy_.  They were headed to Virmire at the request of the council.  She hoped that it would be a simple mission.  Between Alenko and Hackett, she had a lot to sort through in her mind.  Not to mention figuring out who the hell had filed that damn report with Anderson.

"And When he gets to heaven,

To Saint Peter he will tell;

One more Marine reporting, sir.

I've served my time in Hell!"*

 

Hours later, the Marine’s Prayer that she had learned after Torfan was once again rolling through her mind.  Virmire had been a tactical success and yet a personal failure in her mind.  The trouble with command was that lives depended on the decisions she made. Williams and the Salarians or one lone marine, Alenko, those were the lives weighing in the balance.  Sacrificing the one to save the many was always a part of war. 

It was the worst part of war.  

Alenko had been the one. 

“Fucking Saren.”

She had sought out her cabin almost immediately.  The sympathetic stares were almost more difficult to take than the accusatory ones after Torfan.  Shepard threw one of the chairs in her quarters across the room.  It slammed against the wall and was quickly followed by another.

“I will find you.  And I will fucking end you.”

It was useless to destroy her quarters.  She felt just as useless, though.  She collapsed into the only chair still standing in front of her private manual. She skimmed through the reports and messages without really understanding any of it.  She was still too fucking pissed off.  Alenko had been fun to toy with.  No one deserved to die like that.  A soldier dying under her command was not new, and it filled her with anger anyway.

She could have saved Kaidan.  There was no denying her attraction to the Lieutenant.  It had come down to one life in exchange for the Salarians and Ash. She slammed her fists on her desk then bit back a scream when several bones in her left hand shattered. Shit. _Shit._

 _“Dumbass,”_ Shepard muttered to herself before heading to the Medbay.

Doctor Chakwas spent a good hour lecturing the Commander on appropriate methods of handling anger while fixing up her fingers.  Shepard’s left hand was now bound in a wrap until the newly re-set bones healed; at least it wasn’t her shooting hand.   By the time that she finally got back up to the bridge, Joker was docking the _Normandy_ at the Citadel.  She was not looking forward to the upcoming meeting with Udina.

“Motherfucking son of a bitch.”

Chora’s Den had turned out to be a good place to hide from Udina and Anderson.  She’d had enough politics for one day.  Anderson had loudly voiced his disappointment over yet another dead soldier on her record.  Then Udina had capped off her brilliant day by locking out the Normandy because he was a fucking traitorous bastard, or mostly because the council were being shit-heads, or maybe it was both. Fuckers.  Her vocabulary was getting very limited and very sailor like. 

“Assholes.” Shepard slammed the glass on the table.

“What happened to your hand?”

Shepard looked up to find Admiral Hackett standing beside her. “Fuck off.”

“No.” Hackett sat in the seat opposite her.

Shepard resisted the urge to get up and move. “What do you want, Admiral?”

Hackett reached over to gently hold her left hand.  He turned it over while looking carefully at the wrap. “How did you break your hand?”

“I had a slight argument with a desk.  The desk won. It’s fixed now.” She tried to pull her hand out of his without success.

“I’m sorry about the Lieutenant. It’s never easy to lose a fellow soldier. Anderson was way out of line.” Hackett released her hand and waved the waitress over to order a drink. “Udina is a power hungry idiot.”

Shepard laughed.

 “Anderson and I have come up with a plan.”

“Oh? Found another way to completely screw me over?” Shepard was sullen, and it was starting to annoy her.  She took a long swig of whatever the hell was in her glass and then looked up at the Admiral. “What’s the plan?”

 

*** The quote is generally attributed as an epitaph to Private First Class Bill Cameron. It was found inscribed on his grave in 1942 after the Guadalcanal Campaign.**


	6. Chapter 6

Success.

It was something that Shepard had achieved in most of her missions to some degree. Defeating Saren and Sovereign, it felt a little bit more than just success. The Destiny Ascension along with the council was sacrificed for the cause. The Alliance fleets were almost entirely intact, and humanity was a leading force on the newly formed Council.

Success.

It was the best high that she could ever remember experiencing.  Her time with the Reds on Earth was filled with experimentation in many things but nothing compared to winning against an overwhelming force.  It was also an incredible aphrodisiac. And the only man that came to mind was not currently attainable.  That was also a huge turn on. 

Fuck.  Or more accurately, _not_ fucking.

There was an air of celebration on the Citadel at least amongst the human population.  The other races found it a little more bittersweet.  Shepard’s decision not to save the council hadn’t done much to improve her reputation.  The only good thing was that finding a table to herself at Flux was even easier than it had been.

“This seat taken?”

Or not.

Shepard glanced up to find Hackett standing next to her table holding two beers. She took the beer that he offered and clinked it against his in a salute before taking a long drink.  More alcohol was not the wisest move but no one ever really accused her of being all that wise, short-tempered and arrogant with a hint of anarchy, but wisdom not so much.

“You did a good thing, Commander.” Hackett saluted her with his beer.

“I appreciate the atta-girl, and I really appreciate the beer.” Shepard met the Admiral’s gaze. “But why are you here?”

“I remember my first real victory once I had my own command.” Hackett ignored her question. “There was a lot of drinking and a fair amount of sex afterwards.”

“Is that an offer?” Shepard smirked at him before taking another sip of beer.

Hackett leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I already bought the alcohol.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the twinkle in his eyes.  But before she could respond, Wrex and Garrus bullied their way through the crowd to join them at the table.   The Krogan offered her a shot of ryncol, and she thought what the fucking hell.  Bad idea.  It burned all the way down.  She clenched her jaw tightly to keep from coughing.  She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Have another.” Wrex patted Shepard on the back hard enough to knock her out of her chair.

By the sixth shot, ryncol was starting to taste…it still tasted like fire.  But Shepard had stopped caring.  By the eighth shot, it was starting to seem like a really great idea to drink more.  The tenth shot was a really bad idea.  Wrex and Garrus got into an argument over who took the Saren kill-shot.  It took very large bouncers to remove a drunken Krogan from a bar.  Shepard followed them out laughing the entire way.  Hackett trailed behind with a bemused look on his face.  Wrex let Garrus drag him away before C-Sec arrested the both of them,

Shepard stumbled a little, and the Admiral put his hands out to keep her on her feet.  She glanced up and found his blue eyes were a little too intense for comfort.

“I’m going to regret the ryncol.” Shepard moved away from Hackett.

“Probably.” Hackett kept his hand on her elbow while guiding her towards the elevator.

Once inside the elevator, Shepard leaned against the wall with her eyes closed.  She looked up once it started to slowly move.  Her eyes focused on Hackett’s mouth.  It was strong.  A few lines around the edges indicated that he laughed more than she thought he did.  In the morning, she’d blame it all on Wrex’s damn firewater.  But for now, she did what she always did and gave in to her damn impulses.

“What are you…”

Her lips silenced the question before Hackett could finish it.   Her hands found purchase on the wall behind him to keep her standing.  Impulse satisfied, she moved back, a little unsteadily on her feet, to once again lean against the opposite wall.  Hackett was silent through the rest of the rid to C-sec and the following ride up to the Alliance dock.  It wasn’t until they reached the _Normandy_ that he spoke.

“You’ll find that I don’t play games, Shepard.  Games are for amateurs.” Hackett stepped close enough that she could smell his after-shave.

The ryncol was really starting to kick in, and Shepard was finding it hard to come back with a response other than. “Oh.”

“When the alcohol filter has burned off, let me know if it was just the ryncol.”  He stepped around her and disappeared back into the elevator. 

Shepard watched the Admiral leave then stumbled back towards the _Normandy_. 

The following afternoon she woke up to find herself face down on the floor beside her bed.   It didn’t take long to decipher things.   Wrex was going to have to die.  But more importantly what the hell was she going to do about Hackett?  The pounding in her head was almost as impressive as the banging on the door.  She dragged herself over to let Williams in then tumbled back over onto the bed.  The room was doing a very good job of spinning.  Shepard waited for it to stop before she looked towards Ash.

“Udina has a new task for the _Normandy.”_ Ash looked at her sympathetically. 

“Fucker,” Shepard muttered. “Can it wait?”

“It’s Udina.”

“That would be a no.” Shepard pulled herself up into a somewhat seated position.  She took the datapad from Williams and skimmed through the orders. “Great, more geth, tell Pressly to send a note to the Ambassador, sorry, councilor and tell Joker to set a course for the Omega Nebula.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Bribe the doc for a hangover cure.” Shepard got to her feet and followed Williams out of her room.  Hackett would have to wait for another day.


	7. Chapter 7

God-damn it.

Shepard shot up in bed for the third time in as many days.  Fucking nightmares.  There was something about this latest hunt for the geth that was causing her a lot of sleepless nights.  It was starting to drive her up the damn wall.  Chakwas had offered sleeping meds, but Shepard figured whiskey was all the help that she needed. The only downside to using hard liquor was that it became increasingly more difficult to avoid sending messages over the extranet.   

Drunken messages were bad. 

Very bad.

She collapsed back onto the bed with a sigh.  Seconds later, a massive jolt sent her flying from her bunk across the room.  Joker’s mayday echoed through the ship along with shrieking fire alarms and smoke.  Shepard pulled herself off the floor and hurriedly yanked on her armor.  She was halfway to the door when her private terminal caught her eye.  She darted over, and her fingers flew over the screen.  By the time Ash stepped into the room, the message was gone.

Ash followed her out towards the nearby panel.  Shepard slammed her fist into a few buttons to get the emergency systems up and running.  The Alliance had better fucking show up quickly.  Escape pods were helpful, but if the _Normandy_ was no match for this unknown enemy, then the pods would be sitting ducks.

“Get to the escape pods,” Shepard yelled over her shoulder.

“I’m not going until you do.” Ashley shook her head.

“That’s a fucking order, Williams.” Shepard shoved Ash in the direction of the escape pods; she’d lost all patience in arguing with her crew the moment that the ship started to burn. 

With Ash finally headed in the right direction, Shepard slowly made her way through the fires towards the bridge.  Joker was trying to go down with the ship, and there was no fucking way that she was going to let him.  The pilot was busy trying to stabilize what was left of the _Normandy_ when the other cruiser came around for a second attack.  Shepard dragged Joker out of his seat and shoved him into the last of the escape pods.

And then the entire fucking world imploded around Shepard; the explosion tossed her through the wreckage.  She barely had time to seal Joker’s pod doors.  Being jettisoned into space had not been on her list of things to do, she tried to dodge past debris.  Clinging to the faint hope that by some miracle, she might make it to safety, or maybe, at least, she could float clear until rescue arrived. 

Then her oxygen started to leak.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Shepard gasped for air with panic and anger coursing through her.  It was pointless to struggle, but she did it anyway.  Images of Torfan and Earth flashed through her mind.  She continued to fight to try and seal with leak with her fingers.  She fought until the last breath was forced from her lungs.  The last image that floated through her mind was that of the man that she should’ve done more than kiss.

Not helpful.

The world went black. Commander Shepard was gone.  The Butcher of Torfan faded into nothing.  Her body tumbled towards the planet below while the _Normandy_ continued to disintegrate. 

***On Arcturus***

Admiral Hackett ignored the frantic waving of his XO and headed to his private terminal.  The flashing white light indicated an incoming message had just arrived.  He scanned through the messages then stopped at the last one.  His mind seemed to go completely blank for several minutes.

“Admiral.” His XO was waiting impatiently for him to look up. “You need to see this incoming emergency hail.”

Hackett turned from his terminal and looked at the datapad in the man’s hand.  A jolt of something went up his spine when he caught the mayday message from the _Normandy._ Superstitious nonsense, he shook his head to clear it then focused on the task at hand. 

Ships were rushing to the last known coordinates that the mayday had been sent from.  As the newly promoted Fleet Admiral, Hackett could only sit on Arcturus and wait.  There was nothing worse than waiting for news.  But eventually, the survivors began to trickle in.

“Where is she?” Hackett asked Williams, but she just stumbled past him still in shock.

“Let me go!”

Hackett turned to find Joker struggling against the medical staff that were trying to see to his injuries and ease him into a wheelchair.

“Where is the Commander?” Hackett stepped over to the pilot who had finally settled down. “Where is Shepard?”

Joker looked up with grief evident on his face. “Gone.  She threw me into an escape pod then got blown into space.  I killed her.”

Hackett placed a gentle hand on the distraught man’s shoulder. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“She’s gone, and I’m here.” Joker pushed the Admiral’s hand away then motioned for the doctor to wheel him away.

The survivors were all in shock and rushed to the medical ward for observation.   Hackett made sure that they were being taken care of then he sought solitude in his quarters.  He found himself turning back to the message on his terminal.  The last message was sent from Commander Shepard minutes after the start of the attack on the _Normandy._

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: It wasn’t just the Ryncol._

_Joker’s issuing a mayday._

_I have a bad feeling about this.  I wanted to tell you…_

_Fuck it. I’ve got a ship to save._

“Tell me what?” Hackett stared at the message with a growing sense of frustration.  “Damn it.”


	8. Chapter 8

_What a waste._

It was the thought that kept going through Hackett’s mind.  The crew from the _Normandy_ had splintered without Shepard to guide them.  Moreau was lucky not to get Cat- 6’d.  Hackett had done his best to help the self-destructing pilot.  But over the course of months, the only two left in the Alliance were Gardiner and Williams.  And even they were disillusioned by the snow job that had been done to squash all the rumors about the Reapers.

_Politicians._

Hackett found the entire thing frustrating and pointless.  Udina was a master at political maneuvering.  Anderson tried but failed to keep the fast-rising councilor in check.  The Admiral’s hands were unfortunately tied as far as the _official_ story went.  _Damn politicians._ He could just imagine what Shepard’s response to the whole thing would have been.  It would probably have started and ended in a string of four-letter words.  He did manage by some miracle to keep Jeff’s exit from the Alliance from ruining the pilot’s career.  It was a small gesture but one that felt honored Shepard’s memory more than her damn funeral or the blasted memorial on Torfan did. 

*A year and a few months later.*

“How does it feel to be alive?” Taylor broke the awkward silence on the way to the shuttle after they had secured Veetor.

Shepard glanced up at him with an incredulous look on her face.  “Since I wasn’t aware that I was dead, it feels the same as it did the last time I was alive.”

Jacob wisely remained silent and followed Miranda on the shuttle.  Shepard was just about to join them when an idea came to her.  Leaving the two Cerberus stooges, she jogged back over to the building where Tali was seeing to the injured quarians.

“Tali,” Shepard knelt down to speak to her old friend. “Can I borrow your omni-tool? I need to send a message that Cerberus can’t access.”

“Of course.” Tali immediately handed it over then stood to watch for Jacob and Miranda. “Bosh-tets. You should not trust them, Commander.”

“No fucking kidding.” Shepard grinned at the indignant quarian.

Shepard after several attempts remembered the account information for her old extranet account.  She was surprised that it hadn’t been purged at some point.  Cerberus had given her a new account, but there was no doubt that it was closely monitored by the Illusive Man. She deleted two years’ worth of pointless junk then pulled up a blank message.

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard:_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett:_

_Subj: Remember the ryncol?_

_You might need more. I fucking do._

_Also, I’m not dead anymore._

_Surprise._

_J.S._

“Thanks, Tali.” Shepard tossed the omni-tool back to her then jogged back over to the shuttle.

“Is everything all right?” Lawson asked when she stepped into the shuttle.

Shepard ignored the question and leaned her head back against the seat.  She closed her eyes to cut off any further attempts at conversation.  She was not in the mood to play nice.  And every time Miranda opened her mouth, Shepard found it incredibly difficult not to slam her fist into the perfectly shaped nose on the woman.

It was several days later when the Commander had a chance to find a secure non-Cerberus terminal to access on Omega.  She had ditched Lawson and Taylor at Afterlife to gather information.  There was one new message.

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Caution_

_Rumors have been circulating regarding your resurrection._

_Doctor T’soni had already hinted at it in fact._

_Use caution with Cerberus; there are always layers of deception and strings attached when they are involved._

_Hackett._

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj.: Fucking spoilsport._

_What’s the point of dying if no one’s surprised when you come back?_

_Bastard._

_J.S._

Shepard was about to step away from the terminal when a ping let her know that a new message had arrived.  Her curiosity got the better of her.

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subject: Apologies._

_Consider me surprised._

_Hackett_

“Commander Shepard”

“What?” Shepard logged out of the account before glancing up to find Miranda standing nearby.

“Are you ready to go find the Salarian doctor?” Lawson motioned towards the nearby blocked off doors.

“I’m taking Massani and Kasumi.” Shepard stepped away from the terminal. “You can go sit your pretty little ass back on the _Normandy_ and drink tea.”

“Commander, I believe it would be better if I was part of the squad.” Miranda kept pace with Shepard while she walked through the Omega markets.

Shepard stopped so suddenly that Miranda almost ran into her back. “And I believe that you should remember who’s in fucking command here.  Get your fucking ass back to the _Normandy_ and have Zaeed and Kasumi meet me here.”

“I…”

“I suggest that you stop before I put a bullet through your skull. I don’t think your fancy genetics are bullet proof.” Shepard placed her hand on the pistol on her hip.

Miranda clenched her jaw seemingly in an effort not to speak.  She stormed away in a huff. Shepard didn’t bother to hide her laughter. The up-tight bitch always seemed to find a way to get on her last damn nerve.   It wasn’t all her fault.  Lawson clearly wasn’t expecting to play second fiddle to a stronger person.  Shepard had no fucking intention of letting the woman run a damn thing on her ship, not even the head, besides the merc and the thief were so much more fun.

By the time they were done on Omega, Shepard was in serious need of a shower.  Lawson tried to press for them to move immediately on to Purgatory and the next dossier on the Illusive Man’s list.  Shepard told her to go fuck herself. 

Shepard was going to have to do something about this fucking Cerberus crew.  There’s no way in hell that she could trust the fuckers, not with that fucking AI all over the damn ship and the bubble-gum bitch sending reports about the state of her mental health. 

Once Garrus was recovered, it would be good to have at least one person that she could completely trust on board.   She headed down to the lounge to check on Kasumi.  Garrus was still under observation and Shepard didn’t feel like dealing with Mordin’s incessant ramblings.   And if she spent another second on the CIC, Kelly might end up floating out the airlock. 

“Hey, Shep.” Kasumi glanced up when the Commander entered the room. “I’ve got a present for you.”

“Oh?” Shepard perched on a nearby bookshelf.

“I thought you might like to send your secret messages without slumming on Omega all the time.” Kasumi tossed an omni-tool to her. “Mordin and I screwed around with it so that it’s not only secure, but Cerberus won’t be able to mess with it.  Well, not unless you are stupid enough to let them touch it.”

“I owe you a bottle of something fucking strong.” Shepard turned the omni-tool over in her hand.

“No worries, Shep.” Kasumi watched Shepard for a moment then launched into another story about one of her greatest exploits.

Garrus joined them later, having finally been released by the Doc. They shared a few laughs and more than a few drinks.  Shepard finally decided to head up to her quarters.  Joker was already plotting a course for Lorek in the Fathar system.  Cerberus had apparently lost someone, and she was supposed to find them.  Fucking presumptuous assholes, if she found the _delicate_ data, she was fucking keeping it.  Blackmail was always useful to have.  Before she suited up, she decided to send off a response to the Admiral.

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Upgrades_

_Cerberus decided to upgrade me when they brought me back._

_The damn bastards took my old scars, gave me new ones that fucking glow._

_I now glow in the dark.  Fuckers._

_They could’ve at least done something useful like make me a better hacker._

_J.S._


	9. Chapter 9

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Necessary Roughness_

_Did you really need to punch that blasted report on camera again?_

_On a side note, the glow is definitely your color._

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Bite me._

_Yes, I did._

_J.S._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: No._

_I prefer not to glow in the dark._

_Are you contagious?_

_Hackett_

_~_

Shepard stared at the message with a grin.  Toying with an admiral was a career-killing move, but she was technically _still_ dead.  So they could all fuck off, it was too much fun.

~

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Unclean._

_Anderson clearly thinks that I am._

_My drill sergeant always said my bad attitude was contagious._

_I think he was just jealous of my magnificent wit._

_J.S._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: My sympathies…_

_…to your D.I. I can only imagine the havoc that you would cause_

_in a squad of recruits._

_Anderson has been spending too much time with Udina._

_Hackett_

_~_

Her response had to wait until after they picked up the prisoner on Purgatory.  Jack wasn’t what Shepard expected, but the biotic was a welcome addition.  Anyone that hated Cerberus was someone that she could use.  Plus, Lawson’s immediate hatred of Jack was…satisfying.

It was also useful. _Very._ Useful.

Jack and Kasumi worked with Mordin to monitor the monitors.  It was an amusing game of cat and mouse.  If the Illusive Man thought that he could control her and the _Normandy_ by proxy, it wasn’t going to be simple or easy.  And more importantly, it wasn’t going to be successful.  She would use him and his finances until she didn’t need either.

~

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Subtle._

_Rumor has it that Purgatory went down in flames._

_Are you entirely incapable of diplomacy?_

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: I worship Machiavelli._

_There was a slight disagreement with Warden Kuril._

_He wanted to sell me to the highest bidder._

_And I wanted to dance on his entrails._

_J.S._

_PS: Do Turians have entrails?_

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Dance?_

_Is that what you call it?  I’ve heard a fair amount about your abilities from Anderson._

_My knowledge of Turian anatomy is severely limited._

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: re: Dance?_

_Anderson has never seen me dance in bed._

_The horizontal form has always been my speciality._

_J.S._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: ……_

_There is nothing appropriate that I can respond to that with._

_Hackett_

_~_

Shepard laughed all the way down to the mess. She was still chuckling when Gardiner handed her a plate of something that smelled amazing and actually resembled something edible.  Taylor was watching her intently from the nearby tables. 

“What?” She took a seat nearby and began to eat.

“The grinning is a little disconcerting.” Jacob focused his attention back on his half-empty plate.

“Does Cerberus not approve of happiness?” Kasumi suddenly appeared beside the table.

“Will you stop doing that?” Jacob grumbled.

Shepard found herself laughing at his expense. “Oh, what a limited world you must live in.”

Kasumi winked at Taylor then disappeared again.  She made sure to move Jacob’s plate across the table before leaving the room.   Jacob sighed then reached out to pull it back towards him. 

“You should not encourage her behavior.” Lawson was watching from just outside her quarters.  It bugged Shepard that the woman was her XO.  

“And you should learn that you aren’t in control anymore.” Shepard shoved her plate away, annoyance erasing her appetite.

“We’re on the same side, Commander.” Jacob tried to ease the tension that was building.

“No, we aren’t.  You are on the side of a terrorist organization that kills Alliance Officers, tortures innocent people and conducts questionable experiments.” Shepard stood to find Miranda blocking her path. “Move before I move you.”

“This is a Cerberus vessel.” Miranda clearly did not understand the danger that she was in.

“This is temporarily a Cerberus vessel.  And I am in charge.  So either get the fuck out of my way, or get the fuck off my ship.” Shepard stared at her nails pointedly until Lawson moved. 

She started towards the elevator than made a sharp left turn towards the Med Bay.  She’d shelled out a shit load of minerals to complete the upgrades that were needed to get rid of the bright red streaks on her face.  Calm was not a state of mind that Shepard planned on becoming familiar with.  Pissed the fuck off worked much better for her.  Surgery was the only next option because she was not going to wander around like a failed experiment for the rest of her life. It was remarkably quick and painless. 

She headed up to the bridge and collapsed into a nearby seat.  Once Joker had set a course for the next dossier on the list, some Krogan named Okeer, Shepard turned back to her omni-tool to send yet another message to Hackett. It was turning into a compulsion.   But she had a question that she wanted to be answered.

~

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm: S. Hackett_

_Subj: Identity_

_If death is the great equalizer, then what the fuck happens when you don’t say dead?_

_Am I Cerberus now?_

_I’m not Alliance, technically, or a Spectre._

_What the fuck does that make me?_

_J.S._

_PS: I no longer glow in the fucking dark. Might still be contagious._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: re: identity._

_You are Commander Shepard._

_Alliance Navy._

_You are difficult to argue with and possess little to no impulse control._

_You are who you have always been: a damn fine woman and a brave soldier._

_Fuck anyone who disagrees._

_And the chances of you being Cerberus are as slim as the odds of me sporting a pink Mohawk._

_Hackett_


	10. Chapter 10

“Hey Commander, did you really pull a gun on Williams?” Joker looked up when Shepard stepped on the bridge.

“I should have shot the stupid bitch.” Shepard paced angrily in the small space behind the pilot’s seat.

“Your heart-rate is reading at dangerously high levels,” EDI interrupted.

“EDI, when I want an updated on my physical health, I won’t ask a talking orb.  Stop before I let Joker fuck with your optics again.” Shepard stopped pacing to glared first at EDI then at Joker. “Joker, am I arguing with pixels?”

“That would be a yes.” Joker appeared to be highly amused.

Shepard shot him a warning glance before storming away.  She could hear EDI and Joker arguing behind her.  Horizon was not the success that she had hoped it would be.  The colonists were for the most part all gone.  She understood using the colony as bait, but it was just another reason to be pissed the fuck off at Cerberus.  Williams’ reaction to her general existence had been the cherry on the fucked up sundae.  

“Was it good to see your former squad mate?” Kelly asked when Shepard stepped over to the Galaxy Map.

“It was none of your damn business.” Shepard ignored the yeoman and plotted a course for Illium. “Maybe Liara would be happy to see her.”

“I noticed that you don’t use your private terminal to check your messages.” Kelly was undeterred by the angry glare that Shepard sent her way.

“No, I don’t.”

“Why don’t you?  Are you having trouble with the interface?” Kelly smiled the innocent grin that always made Shepard want to rip her damn lips off.

“I don’t read them because you read them first.” Shepard turned away from the map. “I am sure that you would tell me if anything important arrived.  I prefer to keep my private messages private.  That may be a difficult concept for you to understand.”

“I…”

Before Chambers could finish her sentence, Shepard strode into the open elevator and slammed her fist into the third-floor button. She needed to see if Kasumi had any skills in the hair department.  Hackett’s last message had given her a great idea.  Well, great might have been a stretch, but it was a fun idea.

“How are you going to wear your helmet?” Kasumi wasn’t so certain of it.

“It’ll mash.”

“The hair or the helmet?” Kasumi asked.

Shepard gave her an annoyed look. “I’ll figure it out. Just do it.”

An hour later, Shepard was heading up to her quarters, her hair now bright pink and trimmed into a short Mohawk.   Kasumi had cut it long enough that it was spikeable but short enough that she could use any of the helmets in the armory.  She used her omni-tool to send a quick message to Hackett. They would be docking in Illium shortly, and she was in the mood to kill something. 

~

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: My new favorite color._

_Attachment: pink.img_

_It was too good of an idea to pass up._

  1. _S._



_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Not regulation._

_I understand that you ran into Lieutenant-Commander Williams._

_Did it go well?_

_Nice hair._

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: re: Horizon_

_Williams has a giant stick up her ass.  It must be very uncomfortable, but it does explain her constant bitching._

_I was tempted to help her with the problem._

_She also seems to be suffering from a case of idiot syndrome._

_I am not a fucking traitor._

_J.S._

_~_

Shepard sent the message then went in the bathroom to look in the mirror.   _Shit_.

“This was definitely not the greatest plan.”  She ran a hand over her pink hair. “Ah fuck it, at least it stands out.”

Illium took more time than she anticipated.  Joker grumbled at the crazies that she kept adding to her collection.  It wasn’t entirely her fault, but the cranky pilot had a point.  The dossiers from the Illusive Man did have a distinctly unbalanced cast of characters.  Thane was an interesting one; she had never met an overly relaxed and religious assassin.  It was weird.  Samara was impressively endowed in several ways.  At least, she’d be a distraction for any enemies of the straight male persuasion.

They had also managed to rescue Miranda’s sister which did not make her any more pleasant to deal with.  _What a fucking surprise._ Perfection apparently came at a price. The price being a personality that others enjoyed or could tolerate. 

Liara was full of surprises.   The naïve doctor was gone and in her place stood a confident, cynical information broker.  Shepard approved of the change.  The Asari was a lot less annoying.  The Shadow Broker mission had been complicated but a win all around.  They now controlled a massive network of resources, and Liara was perfectly set up to use them.  With all of that done, she was finally able to head back to the _Normandy_ and have Joker head for the Citadel.  She had a few errands to run before heading to Haestrom to collect Tali.

Before running errands on the Citadel though, there was one thing that she had to do first.

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Tags_

_Thanks for saving my tags.  I felt naked without them._

_And thanks for telling Major Antella to shove it._

_J.S._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: How the hell did you find out about that email?_

_And you are very welcome._

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Intel._

_I have friends in high places._

_Or, at least, friends in well-informed places._

_J.S._

_PS: The pink-hawk is now black. Pink is annoying._

_~_

_From: Adm. S. Hackett_

_To: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_Subj: Impulse Control._

_You have none._

_Hackett_

_~_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Captain Obvious._

_No shit. You just realized that I have no self-control?_

_Have you followed my career at all?_

_Though I obviously have some willpower, I’ve never given in to my urge to kiss you._

_J.S._

~

The message was gone before it registered with Shepard what the hell she had just typed.

_Fuck me._

The silence on the other end of the extranet felt very loud. She felt relieved when Joker let her know that the _Normandy_ was preparing to dock at the Citadel.  She turned her attention to helping Garrus take out the bastard who ratted out his crew. Killing lying bastards was her definition of shore leave. The added bonus of shooting Harkin, however, that was a fucking gift from the universe.  In hind-sigh, she should’ve added a bullet to the brain after Garrus took his shot.

_~_

_From: Stephen Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: That’s Admiral Obvious._

_There are certain impulses that you should always give into._

_Kissing?_

_That is definitely one of them._

_Hackett_

Well shit.


	11. Chapter 11

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Stephen Hackett_

_Subj: Sneaky Bastard._

_The Illusive Man proved yet again what a bastard he is._

_On the plus side, I got the scar on my cheek back._

_Fucking husks._

_J.S._

_PS: You are too far away for me to give in to impulse._

_From: Stephen Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Proximity._

_That is an easily resolved matter._

_Hackett_

Shepard pondered doing a headstand to see if it would make his message less confusing.  Men should not be allowed to be cryptic or complicated. Then again, if she wanted to fuck simple, Jacob was always working out half naked in the armory. It wouldn’t take much effort on her part.  And it would piss Miranda off. _Bonus._

Of course, Cerberus was already fucking her every other way humanly possible without actually fucking her.  It might be better to avoid having it be literal as well.  The problem of proximity was still there, however.  Hackett was on Arcturus where Shepard was currently considered a non-existent entity. This seemed like a lot of effort for a damn kiss. It better be fucking worth it.

She needed to expand her vocabulary.  She was starting to use fuck for every other word. _Fuck_. Damn it.

“Commander Shepard,” Kelly’s voice came through her closed door. “May I come in?”

“No.” Shepard headed for the door.

Chambers backed up when the Commander stepped out of the room. “I…”

“What is it?” Shepard dragged her into the elevator and pressed the button for the CIC.

“We’ve received an emergency transmission from Project Overlord on Aite.” Chambers fidgeted in the corner nervously.

“And?” Shepard stepped out of the elevator the moment the doors opened.

“The entire facility has gone silent.  The Illusive Man would like us to make it a priority.” Chambers retreated to the safety of her terminal.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Shepard resisted the urge to break something. “Tell Joker to set a course for Typhon then. This better not take long.”

Eight hours later, Shepard was in her quarters trying to break the bathroom door with her fists. They were on their way to Vetus to drop David Archer at Grissom Academy. Dr. Gavin Archer had a broken jaw, ribs and arm. Shepard had been very demonstrative of her anger at his experiments.  The doctor had been left on Aite.  Cerberus could fix him up; Shepard wasn’t going to allow him on the same ship as his brother. Bastard. Fucking bastard.  She should have killed him while she had the chance.

T.I.M. had voiced his annoyance. Shepard had told him to go fuck himself.  He was also annoyed that she was starting to refer to him by initials. He wisely decided not to pursue either matter further though.  Once David was safely at the Academy, Shepard ordered Joker to dock the _Normandy_ on Elysium.  She needed a real drink, from a real bar.

She borrowed a hooded jacket from Kasumi that would cover her face.  It didn’t take her long to find a quiet bar with a dark corner booth.  The bartender brought over a bottle of his strongest booze and a glass. The glass was unnecessary. She felt like downing the entire bottle immediately.  But that might draw some unnecessary attention.  She poured herself a drink and was just lifting the glass when the door to the bar opened.

“You should never drink alone.”

Shepard looked up to find Hackett standing next to her table. “I’m having a strange sense of déjà vu.”

“Different bar,” he smiled before taking a seat across from her. “I heard about David Archer.”

Shepard clenched her hand tightly around her glass. “There was this boy in the orphanage on Earth where I lived very briefly.  His name was TJ.  He was different.  I didn’t know what Autism meant.  I just knew that it meant he was different.  The other children beat him up a lot.  He’d try to hide under his bed, but they always found him.”

“Kids can be cruel.”

“Life is cruel. I was too small to stop them.  And I never wanted to be a target.  I started hiding him under my bed.  It worked sometimes.  Sometimes I took the beating for him.  Then one day, one of the older boys pushed him down the stairs.” Shepard gulped down the contents of her glass.  She let the burn bury the tears that threatened to surface.  She hadn’t cried in years and had no intention of starting now. “I can still see the pool of blood around his little body.  I left the orphanage that night. I had to because I beat the boy who pushed him.  I slammed his head into the ground until they dragged me away from him.  Then I ran.  I ran until I couldn’t hear them anymore.  I couldn’t save TJ.”

“You saved David Archer.” Hackett filled her glass again.

“And I managed to piss off T.I.M,” Shepard grinned. “Who the fuck has an acronym for a name anyway?”

Hackett shook his head in amusement. “I like the hair.”

“It’s…a lot cooler under the helmet.” Shepard ran a hand over her Mohawk.

They sat in silence for a while sipping from their glasses.   Quiet moments were never a favorite of Shepard’s.  It always gave her too much time to think of ways to cause trouble.  She glanced around the bar for a moment to find that it was completely deserted. The bartender had ducked into the back for a moment.  Without giving the Admiral a warning, she stood and reached across the table to pull him to his feet.  She was strong enough to yank him across the table.  The kiss was anything but gentle.  It was just a taste though. A public bar on Elysium was not a place for anything further.  Before the kiss ended, she knew that was going to want more.

She let go of his shirt, and the Admiral dropped back into the booth.  She touched her fingers to her lips.  She grinned down at Hackett then bolted from the bar.  Let him pay for the drinks; he got paid a hell of a lot more than she did.  All her needs momentarily satisfied, she headed back to the _Normandy_. Thane had a son to save, and Samara had a daughter to kill.

 _Fucking hell._ She should’ve gone in for a second kiss.

_From: Stephen Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Well played, Commander._

_Do you always leave men hungry for more and with your bar tab?_

_Tease._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Stephen Hackett_

_Subj: re: blue balls._

_Yes._

_J.S._

_From: Stephen Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Wine._

_You tasted like the finest wine that I’ve had the privilege to savor._

_I look forward to further lapses of your self-control._

_Hackett_

_Damn._

Shepard was momentarily incapable of thought.  She was starting to wonder who was toying with whom.

_Fuck it._

Who cares if the end result was the same?


	12. Chapter 12

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Diplomacy 101_

_When in doubt, yell at everyone._

_It works on quarian admirals._

_Krogan 101:_

_When Krogan’s go through puberty, they try to kill thresher maws._

_Thresher maws are basically giant worms._

_Think that’s a metaphor?_

_J.S._

_PS: How’s your thresher maw doing today?_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Incorrigible_

_I will not dignify that with a response._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: re: your dignity_

_You technically did just dignify it with a response._

_J.S._

“That is not the omni-tool that Cerberus provided to you.” Lawson stepped into the lounge.

Shepard looked up at Miranda who was now tapping her fingers angrily at her side.   It was quite possibly the most annoying sound ever.  Shepard stood and stretched out her limbs for a moment before finally focusing her full attention on the woman.

“I asked you a question, Commander.” Miranda broke the silence.

“Actually, no you didn’t.” Kasumi corrected from her perch on the bookshelf.

“She has a point.” Shepard grinned at Kasumi before turning back to Miranda. “What was your _not actually a question_ question?”

“Where did you get a non-Cerberus omni-tool?” Miranda refused to be ruffled by the two women.

“Oh fuck off you stupid twit.” Shepard shoved Lawson out of the way and stormed from the room.

Her patience was damn near at an end with Miranda.  Joker caught her just as she was stepping into the elevator to let her know that they had reached Pragia.  Jack was already pacing in front of the shuttle when Shepard arrived with Garrus close behind.

Shepard thought Project Overlord had been the worst of Cerberus’ sins that she would uncover.   This was so much worse then what happened to David Archer.  The horrors the children went through was difficult to comprehend. Jack was the living proof of it.  She’d barely kept the biotic from tearing Lawson apart when they finally returned to the _Normandy_.

With those two separated by a floor, Shepard ordered Joker to head back to Tuchanka. Mordin had an assistant to save. Maybe Wrex would have some ryncol because she could fucking use some.  Like most of her missions that involved Wrex or the Krogan, this one hadn’t quite gone as planned. But there had been ryncol involved. Cerberus had clearly upgraded her alcohol tolerance though. She waited out the trip back to the Citadel in her quarters. 

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Ryncol._

_I can now drink an entire bottle of ryncol without batting an eyelid._

_Did they coat my stomach with iron?_

_J.S._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: ryncol_

_Where did you get a bottle of ryncol?_

_And why do I get the idea that your old buddy Wrex was involved?_

_I was not aware of any recent cross-species incidents. Did you set_

_another planet on fire?_

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: re: Wrex and your complete lack of faith in my abilities._

_He has his own throne now._

_It’s a heap of rubble, but still, it’s a fucking throne._

_Cerberus had some credits.  Now I have them._

_Complications are complicated._

_And now I own an apartment on the Citadel. I’m attaching the address._

_I’ll be there for the next four days._

_J.S._

Shepard glanced around her new one bedroom apartment on the Citadel. It had all the necessary shit.  She’d let Kasumi handle it.  She couldn’t give a fuck about design.  Kasumi informed her that it was done in a new French style, whatever the hell that was.  Al she wanted was a comfortable bed and a well-stocked bar.

The bed did need to be big enough for two people.

She made that _very_ clear to Kasumi. _Two_ people.

 _Four Days. Shit_.

It seemed like a long time to wait to see if Hackett would show up.  Waiting was not one of her talents; she decided to run an easy errand out to Bekenstein with Kasumi.  It was the least should could to for her help with decorating. _Easy_. She should have known better.  Three hours later, she was resting on the couch in her living room with scrapes and bruises everywhere, and one arm in a sling.  Before she could send off a “ _don’t fucking bother”_ message to Hackett, the chime on the door sounded.

_Fucking fuck shit damn. Shit._

Bruises are not sexy, fucking Kasumi.

Shepard muttered all the way to the door.  She leaned against the wall while she reached out to open it to reveal Hackett.  He started to say hello but stopped as he took in her injuries.  She waved him inside then limped back towards the couch, not bothering to check if he was following.”

“What the hell happened to you?” He watched while she slowly lowered herself on the couch.

“I lost an argument with a rocket launcher.” Shepard eased back against the couch.  “This is what happens when I get bored.”

“That explains so very many things about your career up to this point.” Hackett leaned forward to get a better look at her injuries. “How did you start an argument with a rocket launcher?”

“Well, to be fair, it was attached to a mech,” Shepard shrugged. “We were attempting to borrow something from Donovan Hock.”

“You tried to steal something from a weapons dealer.” Hackett stood and wandered over to the bar. He poured both of them a drink. “Did it occur to you that he might mind?”

“He’s dead. I don’t think it’ll matter anymore.” Shepard took the drink that he handed to her.

“Do you ever not kill people?”

Shepard sipped the liquor then set the glass down. “I haven’t killed you. Udina, on the other hand, is still on my list. I’m not convinced he won’t find himself at the wrong end of my gun eventually.”

“So why did you want to meet with me?” Hackett looked at her over the edge of his glass.

“Well, before I got myself all banged up and shit, I had intended something sexual in nature.  But I’m not supposed to operate heavy machinery on pain meds, so that’s out.” Shepard grinned before picking up her drink again.

Before Hackett could respond there was a knock on the door, Shepard stared at him then at the closed door.  She thought about ignoring it but finally decided to answer.  Garrus was on the other side; he leaned over to whisper in her ear.  She nodded when he had finished then turned back to Hackett.

“I have to go.”

“Of course you do.” Hackett set his glass to the side.

“We have another collector vessel to visit.  Here’s hoping that this one isn’t a trap.” Shepard resisted the urge to punch the wall.  Her arm was still healing, and Chakwas liked to yell at her.

Hackett stepped over to the Commander.  His hands gently grasped her upper arms and pulled her tightly against him.  Up close, she could see the lighter flecks of blue in his eyes.  He smelled fucking good to, and she found it difficult not to just bury her nose against his neck.  His hands slid up over her shoulders and traced her neck and jaw.  His thumb brushed across her lips before he leaned in to capture them with his own.  His tongue traced the line that his thumb had.  Before she could raise her good arm up to touch him, he had stepped away and was gone.

She collapsed back against the door.

 _Damn it all._ Karma was a bitch, and Shepard had just been served a healthy dose of revenge. It was fucking sexy revenge.  She took a moment to catch her breath then headed back to the _Normandy._ Why couldn’t the world save itself for once? She hadn’t gotten any in over two years; her body might forget how to do it.  And that would just be tragic.


	13. Chapter 13

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Bad Joke_

_A Krogan, Merc, Geth and Quarian walked into the Normandy._

_Seriously._

_I’m working with a Geth who has a part of my armor attached to it._

_Is there anything left out there that isn’t a total mind-fuck?_

_J.S._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: No._

_I don’t think so._

_Hackett_

_From: Commander Annoyed_

_To: Admiral Obvious_

_Subj: Rhetorical…_

_..look it up in a dictionary._

_J.S._

_From: Admiral Obvious_

_To: Commander Annoyed_

_Subj: Insubordination_

_The extranet can help you with the definition._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Admiral Sexy Pants_

_Subj: Hot._

_Do you use big words in bed? Cause it’s kind of hot._

_J.S._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: …._

_There’s only one way to find out._

_Why does the Geth have your old armor attached to it?_

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Who the fuck knows?_

_All I know is that it is creepy as fucking hell._

_Heading to out to say hello to your…friend._

_J.S._

Rescuing Doctor Amanda Kenson didn’t work out quite how Shepard anticipated; things had gone to hell the moment that she arrived on the asteroid.   She wanted to fuck Hackett sure, but at the moment, fuck meant something that didn’t involve their anatomy. _Bastard._ It was a little over two days later when the _Normandy_ rushed in to rescue her.  They barely made it out of the system before the asteroid took out the Mass Relay and all the Batarians with it.  Shit.  That had definitely not been part of the plan.

She headed down to the MedBay to get patched up by Chakwas.  Fighting off hoards of indoctrinated Alliance soldiers had taken its toll.  She woke up a few hours later to find Hackett talking with the Doc.  She sat up and swung around so she was sitting on the edge of the bed.  Hackett headed over to her while the doctor made a discrete exit.

“Looks like you’ve recovered.” Hackett looked at her with concern.  “It sounds like you went through hell down there. Are you ok?”

“I’ve been better.  I wasn’t anticipating dealing with a crew of indoctrinated Alliance scientists.  That was _not_ part of the dossier that you sent to me.” Shepard stood and tried to stretch out her sore muscles. “Seriously, next time, you should really mention the crazy chick and her minions.”

“Shepard.”

“Admiral, I know what you are going to say.  I just basically caused the deaths of a shit load of Batarians. Well, technically, I didn’t do that, but I didn’t try to stop it either.  But I’d rather lose a system then all the systems.”  Shepard gave him a tired look. “The Reapers are coming.  I may have delayed them a little. But they will be here.”

“The Alliance is going to want answers.  But, I will try to keep them off you for as long as I can.” Hackett glanced at the datapad with her report but didn’t take it. “I don’t need the report to know that you did the right thing.  I just hope we can prepare for the invasion. Can you tell me anything else?”

Shepard tossed the datapad aside. “Sure. I plan on having sex before the invasion because I am not dying without getting laid at least once.”

“Priorities, Commander, priorities.” Hackett shook his head.

“That’s a priority to me. It’s on the top of my god-damn to do list.” Shepard stalked past him and headed out of the MedBay. 

Hackett caught up to her at the elevator and followed her inside. “I’ve got to get back to Arcturus. This is going to take a lot of explaining.”

“EDI. Please turn the sound & vid off.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Shepard turned her attention to Hackett.  She stepped forward until they were practically nose to nose.  Her hands rested on either side of the railing that he was leaning back against.   He was just an inch or so taller than her.  She had to lean up a little so that her lips hovered over his.  She gave him a devilish grin. 

Hackett wasn’t about to allow her to control it all though.  His hands shot up to tangle in her hair. He pulled her the rest of the way in for the kiss.  It was like the first kiss that they had shared.  Brutal. Hard. Hungry. They seemed to fight each other for control while still managing to flow together. Her body was pressed flush against his.  Finally, Shepard stepped back and hit the button for the shuttle bay.  And within minutes, Hackett was gone.

Shit.

She was really getting tired of just kissing.

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Spontaneous Combustion_

_We are going to do something other than kiss at some point._

_Right?_

_Shepard_

_PS: We’ve got one last mission to hit before we try to locate the Collector home base. Should be a simple one._


	14. Chapter 14

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Citadel?_

_Care to join me for lunch at 1300 at Flux?_

_Hackett_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Omega 4 Relay_

_Lit up like a Christmas tree this morning._

_Have you heard anything about it?_

_Hackett_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Concerned_

_The radio silence from you and the Normandy is unnerving._

_Doctor T’Soni hasn’t heard anything either._

_Hackett_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: Omega 4 Relay_

_It lit up for a second time._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: re: Omega 4 Relay_

_That was me._

_The Collectors took my crew._

_I took them back_

_I might have also exterminated all the fucking bugs while I was at it._

_Surprise._

_J.S._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: Omega 4 Relay_

_Just when I thought you couldn’t surprise me any further._

_The colonists will be relieved that the abductions are over._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Not for long._

_The Collectors were just tools of the Reapers._

_The colonists won’t have much relief when the harvesting starts._

_Also, T.I.M. is missing a crew and ship._

_We eradicated the base, then said fuck you motherfucker._

_Well, I said that._

_Think the Alliance would like the Normandy back?_

_J.S._

_PS: I’m optionally considering a career as a pirate instead._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: Alliance_

_Piracy would not be the best idea at this point._

_The ship will definitely help your cause._

_The defense committee is convening in two weeks to discuss_

_the Reaper threat._

_They will also be considering the demands from the Batarians._

_You’ve got two weeks to get your ass back to Earth._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Fuck the committee._

_What’s a bunch of desk officers going to know about the realities of_

_war-time decisions?_

_Not a goddamn fucking thing. It’s fucking Torfan all over again._

_They won’t get my crew though._

_I’m forcing them off the ship before I head to Earth._

_The Batarians can kiss my ass. That system was toast with or without my intervention._

_J.S._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: Agreed._

_I’m heading out to focus on preparing the fleets._

_There is unfortunately not a damn thing I can do to cushion this for you._

_My hands are tied._

_Anderson will do what he can._

_Hackett_

_From: Cmdr. J. Shepard_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: Understood._

_You disappoint me._

_Commander Jane Shepard._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: understood._

_Don’t be like that, Jane._

_You knew that the Alliance would require an explanation._

_Hackett_

_From: Message Administrator_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: System Error – Returned Message_

_Message Undeliverable_

_Acct: Jane Shepard_

_Status: Deactivated_

Four weeks later, the _Normandy_ docked at the Alliance headquarters. Shepard had certainly seen better days.  They dropped off Grunt on Tuchanka before heading to Earth, and Wrex insisted on sharing a few drinks. A few drinks turned into a week-long binge on ryncol.  She was still a little bit drunk in fact.  The hangover hadn’t stuck yet.

She stumbled out of the airlock and directly into a human krogan hybrid.  She blinked a few times, a really hot human-krogan thing.  Shepard rubbed her eyes and the world momentarily aligned. The krogan turned out to be a rather large Alliance marine.  He was fucking hot though.  She grinned up at him, and he winked at her.

“Are you drunk, Commander?” Anderson watched her with concern.

“I’m fine.” She squinted in the bright sunlight. “Drunk…yes, I think that is the right word.”

“You showed up two weeks late and three sheets to the wind?” Anderson sighed very deeply and disapprovingly.

“That is correct.” Shepard grinned at him. “Ryncol tastes great after the third bottle.  Who’s the handsome dude with the handcuffs?”

“Lieutenant James Vega, meet Commander Jane Shepard.” Anderson motioned towards the Lieutenant.

Shepard watched Vega while he saluted her. “Oh Vega, why weren’t there marines like you in my recruit class?”

“Shepard.” Anderson gave her a warning glance.

“You’re always such a buzz-kill, Anderson.” Shepard held out her hands with her palms up. “Fine, lock me up. It won’t be the first time.”

“Admiral Hackett wanted me to pass on his…” Anderson leaned in to whisper so Vega wouldn’t hear, but Shepard shoved him away.

“I don’t give a damn what the Admiral has to say. I don’t give a damn what any of the brass has to say in fact.” Shepard looked at Vega expectantly. “Lock me the fuck up and get this show over with.”

Vega glanced at Anderson who sighed again but finally nodded.  The Lieutenant cuffed the Commander and led her towards the brig.  She was silent the entire way.  She ignored the stares from the Alliance officer who had clearly shown up to watch the humiliating parade towards the detention center.   There was even an ANN camera capturing every wonderful moment.   It was a good thing that her hands were occupied; it would have been hard to resist a few obscene gestures.

“Pendejos.”

Shepard glanced up at Vega who had muttered under his breath. “What?”

“Pendejos.  Bastards.” Vega spoke softly so not even Anderson could hear.

Shepard bit her lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from laughing before responding to him. “That’s the damn truth, Lieutenant.”

The defense committee grilled her for several hours before finally allowing Vega to escort her to what would be her home for…who knows how long.  It was a Spartan room that had too much blue and grey in it.  It was supposed to be demoralizing.  It was the opposite.  She stepped into the room and glanced back to find Vega watching her with sympathy in his eyes.

“They will figure this out, Commander.” Vega handed her the set of Alliance fatigues in his hands.

“Oh Vega, no, they really won’t figure it out.  This is just a fucking show to appease the Batarians.  And I’m not an officer anymore. Just call me Shepard or JS.” Shepard tossed the uniform aside.  She hopped up onto the nearby desk.

“JS?”

“Jane is such a crap name. It’s probably not even my real name. Jane Doe.  I was dropped off at an orphanage with no identification.” Shepard watched the Lieutenant out of the corner of her eye. “So Vega, you single?”

“Damn, Commander, those kinds of questions require at least a cerveza or two first.” Vega just shook his head and headed out of the room.

Shepard watched him leave with a smirk on her face. “He’s going to be fun.”


	15. Chapter 15

“You owe me a beer, Vega.” Shepard stepped out into the hallway.

“You didn’t?” Vega gave her an impressed look.

“What the hell was that?” Anderson stormed towards her. “Your attitude is not helping your cause in there, Shepard.”

“Nothing is going to help me in there, _Admiral_.” Shepard infused as much annoyance in the one word as possible.

“Was it really necessary to tell the entire committee to remove the stick up their collective asses?” Anderson was torn between amusement and aggravation.

“Yes, yes it really was.” Shepard winked at Vega. “Though I will admit that adding the _fuck you_ was probably over-kill.  I just really wanted the beer.”

“Beer?” Anderson shook his head. “I told Hackett that it was a mistake to assign Vega to you.  You bring out the worst in each other.”

“I think that was a compliment…and an insult. I’m just not sure who gets which.” Shepard looked to Anderson for clarification.

“Commander.” Anderson gave her a warning glance.

“I’m not a commander anymore.” Shepard pointed to her shoulders. “See, no stripes.  Can I go back to the dungeon now? I’m tired.”

“Tired?” Anderson raised an eyebrow.

“Being insubordinate is a lot of work.” Shepard yawned then stretched her arms out to emphasize her point.

“You have a visitor.” Anderson started walking causing Shepard to jog to catch up with him. “Your Aunt Donna Hock, I didn’t realize that you had family.”

“What?” Shepard frowned up at him for a moment. “Yes, Aunt Donna, she’s not actually a relative. But she helped raised me.”

Anderson gave her a suspicious look but finally just shrugged. “She petitioned the Alliance for a meeting, even threatened to go to the media, so they finally granted her request.”

Shepard was still trying to figure out who the hell “Aunt Donna” was when Anderson shoved her into a visitation room.  The laughter started almost immediately when she realized it was Kasumi in a surprisingly good old-lady costume.  The thief hobbled over for a hug and Shepard felt her drop something into her pocket.

The meeting with Kasumi was very short.  Shepard laughed the entire time and all the way back to her room.  Vega kept looking at her in concern, but she just ignored him.  Trust her squad to find a way to make sure that she was all right.  Kasumi was probably the only one insane enough to pull it off.

Once Vega had sealed her inside her _cell_ , Shepard headed into the bathroom.  She sat on the floor of the shower and pulled out an omni-tool from her pocket.  The head was the only place in an Alliance brig that didn’t have monitoring devices of some sort.  There were regs about that kind of thing.  Shepard didn’t like to follow the rules, but she always read them.  It was always good to know which ones she was breaking.

A new extranet account had been set up for her by Kasumi under the name, J.S. Normandy.  Shepard rolled her eyes.  That was definitely going to fool everyone. 

_From: Dr. Liara T’soni_

_To: J.S. Normandy_

_Subj: Hope this finds you well._

_I am researching the protheans._

_There must be something to help with the incoming invasion._

_Hackett’s helping me where he can._

_Kasumi will try to get an omni-tool to you._

_Liara_

_From: Jack_

_To: Dumbass_

_Subj: Not your best idea ever._

_So how’s this brilliant plan working for you?_

_Jack_

_P.S.: You should’ve become a pirate. Dumbass._

_From: Garrus V._

_To: J.S._

_Subj: Task Force._

_Someone is actually listening to me._

_Being a pain in the ass actually works._

_Garrus_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: J.S. Normandy_

_Subj: Defense Committee_

_Don’t let them get you down._

_You did the right thing._

_Hackett_

Shepard stared at the shower walls for a while.  The omni-tool was a savior for her sanity.  She needed to find a place to hide the damn thing though.  She glanced around the bathroom, and then finally spotted the vent that was up on the wall.  It was the perfect place.  First, though, she needed to respond.

_From: J.S._

_To: Dr. T’Soni_

_Subj: Work Fast._

_We’re not going to have much time._

_J.S._

_From: J.S._

_To: Jack_

_Subj: Shut it._

_Go blow something up._

_The wall of my cell would be my first choice._

_J.S._

_From: J.S._

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: re: Defense Committee_

_They can kiss my ass._

_As a matter of fact, you and Anderson can kiss my fucking ass too._

_I’m sitting in a cell because of a mission that you sent me on._

_But I can’t talk about that, not really._

_I just get to sit and let my career flush down the toilet with my mouth shut…relatively shut._

_The next time you have a covert operation, do it your damn self._

_J.S._

Shepard shut down the omni-tool, shoved it into its new hiding place. Hackett could stew on that for a few days. _Fucker._  It might not be completely his fault, but a fair amount could be sent his direction.  She scanned through various ANN articles but found nothing about the Reapers. Typical.  She wasn’t sure who she was more pissed off at, Anderson, Hackett or the fucking committee.

_Fuck me._

She pulled the omni-tool back out and opened up a new message.

_From: J.S._

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: As days go…_

_..this has not been my best._

_The Reapers are coming, and I’m sitting on my ass._

_I don’t do that well._

_I hope when they do show up, I can resist the urge to say I told you so, you stupid bastards._

_Chances are slim._

_J.S._

_PS: This is not an apology. But thanks for the really hot jailer. Vega’s…a lovely distraction from_

_impending doom._

It was a low blow.  Shepard was fond of low blows.  They hit people where they weren’t expecting it and where it often hurt the most.  On the streets, Shepard had learned very quickly to hit fast, hard and where it counted.  If only it were that easy with the Reapers, hollow machines didn’t have soft targets.  She sighed deeply then put the omni-tool back in its hiding place and headed out of the bathroom to wait for lunch.

Vega better bring the fucking beer.

“Hey Commander, I’ve got beer.” Vega’s voice always filled the room.

She looked up to find him holding two bottles and a tray of food.  She glanced at the burger and fries and went for the beer first.  He waited for her to finish her food before opening his own bottle of beer. Shepard nursed the last half of the beer, not wanting it to be empty.  The odds of getting alcohol again during her stay in the brig were slim to none.

“Vega, we really have to work on this. You can’t keep calling me, Commander. It’s annoying.” Shepard waved the beer at him.

“It’s a sign of respect,” Vega shrugged.

“Respectfully call me something else, damn it.” She tossed the bottle cap at him.

“I just can’t call you, Shepard.” He caught the cap mid-air and twirled it around his fingers. He looked at Shepard for a long moment as if in deep thought. “Lola.”

“What?”

“Lola. That’s what I’m going to call you.” He leaned forward to tap his beer bottle against hers. “You just seem like a Lola to me.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’ve got an image of me in a lot less clothing whenever you say that?” Shepard narrowed her eyes at him then laughed when the back of his neck flushed red. “S’ok Vega, I’ve been imagining you naked from the moment I stepped off the _Normandy.”_

 


	16. Chapter 16

It occurred to Shepard in the third month of her incarceration that she could just refuse to meet with the committee. They weren’t listening to her.  They just kept asking the same fucking questions.  So that’s what she did. _Fuckers._   When Vega showed up the next morning, she refused to leave the room.  James started to argue but changed his mind.

She sat cross-legged on her bed and ate the breakfast sandwich Vega had brought earlier.  She wondered how long it would take for Anderson to come to yell at her.  The Admiral almost always ended up yelling at her for something.

The wait wasn’t a long one.  Breakfast was barely done when Anderson stormed in with Vega close behind.  Shepard glanced up at the angry Admiral, then over at Vega who was leaning casually against the wall. 

“The Committee is waiting, Shepard.” Anderson was definitely going to yell.

“They can continue to wait.” Shepard sipped coffee from her mug. “I’m not in the mood.”

“In the mood? “You’re not…” Anderson looked up at the ceiling for patience or divine intervention. Shepard wasn’t sure which. “You will get your ass up and march, that’s a goddamn order.”

“You stripped me of my title. Remember? I don’t have to do a goddamn thing you say.” Shepard set the now empty coffee mug aside. “Unless you think Vega can drag me there, the Committee will just have to do without me today.”

Anderson gave her a look that she assumed was supposed to make her change her mind.  She looked down at her fingernails instead and carefully inspected each one. She heard him storm back out and glanced up to find a very amused Vega still there.

“I’m guessing that he’ll be back eventually.” Shepard stretched her legs out on the bed.

“You don’t think that I could carry you out of her?” Vega flexed his muscles a little.

“You can carry me anywhere if a bed and nudity is involved.” Shepard fiddled with the blanket on the bed.

“Careful Lola, I might be tempted to take you up on that,” Vega smirked then headed out of the room.

Shepard took the chance to retrieve her omni-tool.  She needed to check her messages.  Anderson would be back at some point though.  She did a short read and then shoved it in her pocket.  Getting caught with an omni-tool in the brig, it wouldn’t really do anything to help the situation.  The assholes might take the damn thing from her.  She started to head back to the bathroom when the door opened again. 

“Admiral Anderson is requesting your presence,” Vega spoke from the door.

“Not interested.” Shepard reclined back on the bed and closed her eyes. “And I swear to god, if you touch me, I’ll send you across the room.”

“That’s not very nice, Commander.”

Shepard’s eyes shot open when she recognized Hackett’s voice. “Vega likes it rough. He’s a kinky fucker.”

Hackett raised an eyebrow at the Lieutenant who held his hands up and backed quickly out of the room. The Admiral turned his attention back to the woman on the bed. “What are you doing, Shepard?”

“I’m trying to take a nap. Could you keep it down?”

“How the hell is this going to help with the Reapers?  Or getting you out of this damn brig for that matter?” He sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m tired.”

“Of what?”

“I’m tired of being yelled at and lectured to.  There’s also the bad food, and the fucking grew walls.” Shepard ticked the list off on her fingers. “Oh, I’m also really tired of just being kissed.”

“Shepard.”

“Admiral, unless you intend to have me physically removed, I’m not going anywhere.” Shepard closed her eyes and ignored him. “And I’m also done talking to you.”

The bed shifted slightly as the Admiral stood.  Shepard listened while his footsteps headed away from her.  Twenty minutes later, the footsteps were heading back towards her. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know that it wasn’t Hackett.  The steps were too heavy to be his.

“Are we doing this the easy or the hard way?” Vega spoke after he realized that she wasn’t going to open her eyes.

Shepard barely had time to open her eyes when Vega lifted her up off the bed and headed towards the door with her in his arms.  He barely got halfway across the room before her entire body shimmered in blue.  It was the only warning that he got.  Shepard sent him flying across the room with a biotic pulse.

“The hard way,” Vega muttered from the floor.

“Anderson or Hackett?”

Vega looked up from where he was rubbing his head. “What?”

“Which fucking Admiral ordered you in here?” Shepard stood with her hands on his hips.

“Anderson.” Vega slowly got to his feet. “Admiral Hackett thought it was a very bad idea. He’s headed back to the fleets.”

“He was right.” Shepard’s hands still glowed blue. “Round two?”

“I’ve got orders.” Vega rolled his shoulders a little to loosen them up.

Shepard just smiled at him.  She needed to see something other than the brig.  And she needed to see Hackett.  She glanced over at the large window in the room.  It reminded her of something that she had learned to do as a teenager.  Her biotic skills had still been new and unpredictable, but she’d taught herself a neat trick back then.

She shielded herself with a biotic barrier then launched herself out of the window.  The momentum of her jump carried her across part of the nearby gardens.  She hit the ground with a thud and immediately shot to her feet.  She raced away from the building.  She grabbed a cap and hoodie that were on a nearby stand and blended in with the crowds around the docks. 

Escape wasn’t a permanent thing. She’d have to go back, but she needed a damn break. The Alliance needed to learn that Commander Shepard would only be pushed so fucking far.  She found herself wandering closer to the docks. The _Normandy_ was in dry-dock, and she’d be an idiot to go over there anyway.  She was looking for a specific ship.  A marine heading towards a nearby dreadnought caught her attention.  There it was.

She used the cloaking device that Kasumi had configured in her omni-tool to sneak on the ship.  Hackett was probably in his quarters, so she wandered around until she found them.  Hackett looked up in confusion when the door opened, and no one was standing there.  Shepard made sure the door was not only closed but locked before dropping the cloak.

“Have you lost your damn mind?” Hackett looked like he was about to lose his mind.

“Possibly.” Shepard had completely lost her train of thought. Her brain finally registered that Hackett was dressed in nothing but an undershirt and boxers. “Wow.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Hackett frowned at her.

“Ogling.”

Hackett rubbed his forehead vigorously with his hand. “Why…no…how did you get out of the brig?”

“I flew out of the window.” Shepard was finding it hard to concentrate. “I always figured you for a briefs kind of guy.”

“What?”

Shepard pointed at his underwear. “I like the boxers.”

She could tell by the look on his face; he was about to suggest something boring, like going back to the brig.  _Fuck. That. The man was half naked._ A distraction was clearly what this situation was called for.

Shepard tossed the cap on her head across the room.  The _borrowed_ hoodie followed it.  She kicked off her shoes while she was at it.  Hackett’s eyes were glued to her movements while she slowly pulled off her t-shirt and then eased down her pants.

“What do you think you’re doing, Shepard?” Hackett had to swallow a few times to get the question out.

“I didn’t want you to feel left out.” She ran her fingers along the edge of her Alliance issue panties. “I’m open to further suggestions.”

Hackett’s eyes narrowed. “This is a terrible idea.”

“The best things always are. When will you start listening to me?” Shepard stepped towards him.  She reached out to grab the bottom of his undershirt.  She pulled it up and over his head. “If you don’t do more than just kiss me, I swear I will burn your ship to the ground.”

Hackett’s hand rested on her hips, his thumbs gently caressing the soft skin under her panties.  He leaned into place a kiss at the base of her neck. He didn’t get much further though, as Shepard pushed him back on to the bed. She climbed on the bed and slowly pulled off his boxers. 

“I’ve got maybe thirty minutes before Anderson has a massive heart attack.” Shepard paused to toss her bra and panties aside, then slowly straddled Hackett’s waist.

Hackett slid his hand up her thighs. “Do you think I’m going to let you break into my ship and control the pace?”

Shepard didn’t get a chance to respond.  Hackett gripped her waist, and with a quick tug, he flipped her on her back.  His mouth crashed down on hers, and she lost track of whatever argument she was going to make.  It was more than a kiss and longer than an hour. 

 _Fuck_.

“I need…” Shepard was collapsed on her back staring up at the ceiling.  Hackett’s arm was draped across her stomach.

“Yes?”

“Whiskey.”

“How about scotch?” Hackett spared a glance at the bottle on his desk.

“Shit.”

“Problem?” He looked back at her in concern.

"Let me recap my day for you. I assaulted Vega. I broke out of the brig. And, I slept with an officer." Shepard turned to meet Hackett's gaze. "You can tell Anderson that last part."  
  
"You might have bigger problems. I do believe the FTL just engaged, which means, we've left Earth," Hackett remarked.  
  
"Shit."


	17. Chapter 17

Shepard was experiencing a very strange sense of déjà vu. She was sitting in a chair with her arms behind her back in handcuffs.  Anderson was sitting in a chair opposite her with Vega leaning back against the closed interrogation room door.  Anderson was _not_ in a very good mood.  He’d been silent the whole way back from the dock. 

“This isn’t the first time that we’ve squared off like this.” Shepard broke the silence first.

“You are just as arrogantly reckless now as you were at seventeen.” Anderson’s look of disapproval hadn’t changed much over the years.

“And you’re just as annoyingly uptight.” Shepard fidgeted in the chair. “Was this really necessary?”

“I could ask you the same damn question.” Anderson wasn’t going to let her off that easily.

“Yes, it was.” Shepard had no intention of backing down.  Getting laid had done wonders for her moral; sadly, it just made her want to aggravate Anderson even more. “I’m not a criminal, and I’m tired of wasting my time.  When the reapers get here, I’m not going to do a fuck of a lot of good while I’m locked up.”

“Shepard…”

“And I do _not_ deal well with being locked in a fucking room all day.  I needed some fresh air.” Shepard started to cross her arms and ended up yanking her shoulders practically out of socket. _Fuck._

“I know.”

It took a moment for his statement to register through the pain induced haze, but she glared suspiciously up at Anderson. “What the fuck?”

“I should have listened to Admiral Hackett’s recommendations with regards to your incarceration,” Anderson shrugged. “You’ve never liked to be confined.”

“In my defense, not that I need one, the last time we faced off in an interrogation room. I’d stolen your skycar.” Shepard grinned at Anderson.

“You stole his car?” Vega coughed several times to cover his laugh.

“It was there.  And I didn’t know it belonged to an Alliance officer.” Shepard smiled at the memory. “A week later, I was on my way to basic training. The fucker conned me into it.”

“I did not con you into anything, Shepard.  You had two choices: jail or the military.” Anderson gave her a look.

“Same difference,” she muttered.

“I’ll make a deal with you.” Anderson brought her attention back to her current situation. “If the committee agrees to let you have breaks from the brig, will you stop being such a pain in the ass?”

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you implying that I’m a pain in the ass?”

“Regularly,” Anderson nodded.

“Can you honestly see me _not_ being one?” Shepard glared at Vega when he laughed.

“No,” Anderson sighed deeply.

“How about I promise not to call them fuckers all the time?” Shepard offered with a smirk.

Anderson motioned for Vega to un-cuff the Commander. “Just try not to break any more windows.”

“Maybe I’m just a cynical bitch, but it can’t be that simple.” Shepard slowly stretched out her arms, wincing as the motion pulled on her shoulder muscles.

Anderson just shrugged and left the room.  Shepard watched him leave then turned to Vega with suspicion in her eyes.  Vega shook his head then stepped over to help her stand.  Shepard took a moment to roll her shoulders and shake out her arms.  She’d pay for jerking her arms while they were cuffed. Maybe she could bribe pain meds out of Vega.

“How the hell did you get on Hackett’s ship?” Vega led her out of the room.

“I walked.”

“You walked?” Well, how the hell did you get off?” Vega glanced at her in awe.

Shepard choked on a laugh.  Vega’s innocent turn of phrase struck her as not so innocent.  She stepped in the middle of the hall and bent over trying to regain the ability to breathe. Vega stood with his arms crossed while he waited impatiently for the Commander to get her laughter under control.

“Was it something I said?” Vega asked once they’d started walking again.

Shepard just shook her head. “Hackett _convinced_ me that it would be best to return to the brig voluntarily.”

“I’m having trouble believing you.” Vega raised an eyebrow at her.

“The Admiral can be very, very _persuasive_.” Shepard smiled at the skepticism in the Lieutenant’s face. “I’d apologize, but I don’t really do that.”

Shepard stepped into the all too familiar room in the detention center.  She waved off Vega’s salute and smiled at him before the door closed between them.  She waited until it was well past 0100 in the morning to step into the safety of the bathroom. They hadn’t bothered to check her for contraband, so her omni-tool was still in her pocket. She decided it was time to check for messages.

_From: Jack_

_To: J.S._

_Subj: Extranet_

_There’s a vid of you flying through a glass window._

_Crazy bitch._

_Did you steal a ship? Please say you did. I’m bored._

_Jack_

_From: Kasumi_

_To: J.S._

_Subj: Cloaking._

_I knew you’d need it._

_Kasumi_

Shepard didn’t bother to respond to either of those messages. _Lunatics_. They’d be the death of her, if the fucking politicians didn’t get her first.  She skimmed through the other messages until she finally got to the one that she was looking for.

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: J.S._

_Subj: re: Bad Ideas._

_You might have a point with regards to them._

_But please try to stay out of trouble._

_Hackett_

_From: J.S._

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: trouble._

_It finds me. I don’t find it._

_I can’t be held responsible for what everyone else does. Can I?_

_I’ll do my best not to strip in front of any other officers though._

_J.S._

_PS: I think I left my panties in your cabin._


	18. Chapter 18

_From: J.S._

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Why?_

_Why? Why? Why?_

_Why the hell did I let you convince me to turn myself in?_

_I am losing my mind._

_Your lips are way to fucking persuasive._

_J.S._

_PS: Boredom is very dangerous_

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: J.S._

_Subj: re: Boredom_

_I understand that Admiral Anderson’s extranet account was hacked._

_His messages are going out under the name Admiral Stick U.P. Hisas_

_You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?_

_Hackett_

_From: J.S._

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Hacking_

_I have no idea what you are referring to_

_J.S._

Shepard was surprised to receive a message unable to be sent a response to her last communication with Hackett.  There was something fucking with the comms and the extranet.  Before she could research the matter further, Vega was knocking on her door.  The Defense Committee wanted to see her yet again.  And from the way everyone was running around, it was not to bore her with the same old questions.

There was the small matter of a reaper invasion in the middle of the meeting however that caused the real problems.  The committee paid the ultimate price for not listening to her.  It was hard to feel sympathy for the assholes that had spent so much time trying to ruin her career. 

She found being back on the _Normandy_ almost made up for leaving Anderson on Earth.  _Almost._ Vega was a great addition to the crew.  Lieutenant-Commander Williams was an extra marine that she could have done without though.  They’d flown throw a massive debris field of Alliance fleets, and Shepard felt a moment of concern about Hackett.  Then the fucker sent her to Mars.  He was always making her run errands. _Men_.

“It’s nice to see you back in an Alliance Uniform.” Williams watched Shepard suit up in her N7 armor.

Shepard slowly raised her eyes to look at Ash. “This is my ship. You want to stay on it, and then I suggest that you fucking learn when to shut it.”

An hour later, Shepard was trudging back on the Normandy with Ash draped over her shoulder. The damn idiot had to go and get herself fucked up by a robot.  She was going to have words with Vega about wrecking the Kodiak. Joker headed for the Citadel as quickly as possible, and Shepard headed up to her slightly renovated quarters to try to send a message to Hackett again. They’d spoken over the vid-comm, but…that wasn’t private enough.

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Earth_

_The Reapers are at the top of my shit-list._

_So is T.I.M._

_Also, don’t die; I plan on getting laid again._

_Shepard_

_PS: I have no idea what happened to Anderson’s email._

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: Earth_

_I found your panties._

_Hackett_

Shepard sprayed the coffee that she was drinking everywhere.  _Fucker._  That little tidbit of information was not helpful at all.

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: re: undergarments._

_Keep ‘em._

_I’m going to retrieve them at some point._

_J.S._

The meeting with the council was a complete waste of time.  The new assholes were just as useless as the old ones had been.  Udina hadn’t improved over the last two years.  She still wanted to put a bullet between his eyes every time he opened his damn mouth. The icing on the cake was turian Councilor wanting her to schlep over to Menae to grab their Primarch. He’d all but blackmailed her into agreeing to do it.

She needed a drink.  She found Vega standing by the bar at Purgatory.  She pushed the dancer who was trying to get his attention out of the way.  Vega grinned at her then waved the bartender over to order a pair of shots. 

“Meeting went well?” He slid one of the shots over to her.

“I think they’re still pissed that I killed the last set of councilors.” Shepard down the shot then reached over to steal Vega’s. “We’re heading to Trebia to make some politicians play nice at a war summit.”

“Should be interesting.” Vega glanced down at the now empty glasses.

Shepard started to respond when a drunken soldier grabbed her ass. Before she could do or say anything, Vega had the man on the floor with a knee against his throat.  Vega leaned over to whisper something that Shepard couldn’t quite hear.  James pressed his knee in a little harder then stood back up.

“I think I hear the _Normandy_ calling.” James grinned at Shepard.

Shepard glanced down at the bastard on the floor then up at Vega. _What the hell._ She followed him out of the bar and left the drunk still spluttering on the floor.   There was clearly more to the Lieutenant than she first thought.

“So what the hell did you say to that guy?” She asked once they’d stepped inside the elevator.

Vega just shrugged in response. “Pendejo.”

“I would’ve just shot the fucker.” Shepard leaned back against the elevator wall.

“I know.” Vega stepped out of the elevator and headed for the airlock of the _Normandy._

Shepard watched him walk away. The man did have a damn fine ass. A cough from a C-sec officer trying to step in the elevator broke into her thoughts.  She glared at him but stepped out of his way.  Once she was back on the ship, she plotted a course for Palaven and then headed up to her quarters for a short nap.

It was short.  Fucking nightmares.  That damn brat on Earth was apparently going to live on in her subconscious mind.  She was not impressed by this new development. She decided to tour the ship to clear her head.  She stepped into the shuttle bay only to find Vega doing pull-ups.  She wandered over to ogle him from close-up.

“Enjoying the show?” Vega paused to glance over at her.

“I’d enjoy it more if you took your shirt off.” Shepard grinned at him.

“Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the QEC for you.” Traynor interrupted her enjoyment.

“I’ll be right there.” Shepard spared a glance at Vega’s broad shoulders.

Vega dropped down from the bar. “I’ll still be here when you’re done, Lola.”

Shepard didn’t bother to respond.  She just headed back over to the elevator and up to the CIC. There was already one massive complication in her life in the form of Hackett.  She didn’t need a second distraction.  He was a very pretty distraction.  She found herself standing in the elevator having a silent argument with herself.

_Maybe._

_Focus on the Reapers._

_Those shoulders._

_FOCUS._

“Are you feeling ok?”

Shepard opened her eyes to find the elevator open and Traynor standing just outside it watching her with concern.  She pushed past her and headed to the War Room.  Hackett wasn’t prone to patience. The debrief was short and to the point.  She found herself back in the elevator moments later pressing the button for the shuttle bay again.

Bad ideas were just too fun to resist.


	19. Chapter 19

“What the hell happened to your face?”

They weren’t the first words that she expected to hear out of Hackett’s mouth.  She’d contacted him over the QEC to update him on Menae and their new plan to head for Sur’Kesh.  Garrus was on board which was a bonus, but all the extra politicians were grating on her last nerve. Shepard had decided to spar with Vega to relieve some of the tension.  Shepard wasn’t sure which was more painful the look on Hackett’s face or the lecture Chakwas had given her and Vega.

“I’m waiting, Commander.” Hackett didn’t sound like he was waiting very patiently.

“Lieutenant Vega and I were engaging in a little…sparring match.” Shepard tried not to grin. Her face hadn’t healed completely yet, and it hurt when she smiled.

“In the middle of a goddamn war, you decide to fight with the largest marine on your ship?” Hackett sounded stunned and not in a good way.

“It was better than fucking him,” Shepard shrugged. “Maybe.

“Excuse me?” Hackett’s eyes narrowed.

“We needed to vent a little frustration.” Shepard really needed to stop thinking out loud.

“Shepard.”

“What? I’m under a lot of pressure not to shoot the politicians.  It was either sex or brawling.” Shepard was damned if she was going to discuss this damn thing any further. “Traynor will forward the report to you. I’ve got a war to deal with.  Shepard out.”

It wasn’t as amusing as having Joker disconnect from the Council, but it was still very satisfying. Now she just had to deal with the leaders of three races that hated each other.  Maybe she should’ve gone with sex. _Fuckers_.

Wrex was…Wrex.  She hadn’t expected him to change, but he needed to learn to suck it the fuck up if he wanted the cure to the genophage.  It almost made her wish that Ash had shot him when she had the chance.  Hindsight was a motherfucker. The dalatrass wasn’t much better; she was just sneakier about it.  By the time that they’d rescued the lone female Krogan, Shepard felt like she was sitting on a sleeping thresher maw.  She headed up to her quarters to check her messages and catch her breath.

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: I have your panties…_

_…so how can they be in a twist?_

_Hackett_

_From:  J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Bite me._

_I’ve got Cerberus, Reapers and the fucking Rachni, maybe._

_Because exterminating the giant bugs once wasn’t enough, they might have come back again._

_Just be glad that I haven’t spaced any of the politicians._

_J.S._

_PS: I’d be ok with licking if biting isn’t your thing._

Shepard glanced around her quarters and realized that she was really bored.  Bored and angry. Ash’s message asking her to visit was still unanswered.  It would stay that way.  Given a second and third chance, Williams had chosen to question her motives and loyalties again and gain.  Forgiveness was not one of Shepard’s strong points.

_Fucking bitch._

Joker interrupted to let her know that Grissom Academy was minutes away.  She suited up and headed for the shuttle with Vega and Garrus close behind.  She had bigger things other than the Academy to deal with.  But David Archer was there, and she wouldn’t let Cerberus do further damage to him.

_From: Steven Hackett_

_To: Jane Shepard_

_Subj: re: politicians._

_Spacing them won’t get you the fleets._

_There’s a Cerberus research facility that I’d like you to check out._

_Hackett_

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Fucking hell._

_I’m your goddamn gopher, aren’t I?_

_J.S._

People always wanted things from her. It never ceased to amazing Shepard.  They called her the Butcher of Torfan in one breath, and in the next, they wanted her to save them.  She couldn’t refuse orders, especially ones that came from such a sexy source.  _Damn war._ She was never going to get laid again.  Hackett was too fucking far away.

Most people had a conscience that kept them from getting in trouble.  Shepard wasn’t sure that she had one of those.  The little voice over her shoulder just suggested things that were likely to get her into more trouble. It had a brilliant suggestion to solve the problem.

Vega.

 _Fuck me._ _Or, him._

_Shit._


	20. Chapter 20

Shepard was beyond tired.  She was dozing in the shuttle on the way back to the _Normandy_. In the past three days, they had hopped between six different systems and run a variety of missions.  The last one had involved rescuing the Primarch’s son.  There was some shady bull-shit going on with the turians; she’d bet her damn ship on it.

“Lola?”

“ _What?_ ” Shepard cracked one eye open to find Vega leaning forward in his seat towards her.

“We’ve got to drop off the Ambassador’s son’s dog tags, right?” Vega’s question caused her to open both eyes.

“Yes, why?” She closed her eyes again. It was too fucking bright in the Kodiak.

“I know for a fact that the bartender at Purgatory has a secret stash of tequila.” Vega grinned when the Commander’s eyes snapped open again.

“Careful Vega, you keep speaking my language, and I might get the wrong idea.” Shepard pulled herself up into a less slouched position now that she was fully awake. “I’ll file my report then we’ll head to the Citadel. The turians can wait a day, _fuckers_.”

“Twenty credits says Vega drinks her under the table.” Cortez glanced over at Garrus.

“I don’t believe in stealing.” Garrus refused the bet. “I’ve seen Shepard go toe to toe with Wrex with ryncol shots.”

“Do krogans even have toes?” Vega looked over at the turian while Shepard laughed so hard she had to grab hold of the seat next to her.

_From: J. Shepard_

_To: Steven Hackett_

_Subj: Citadel_

_I’m including the report from the most recent missions._

_We’re heading to the Citadel before we try to tackle Cerberus bomb._

_J.S._

It didn’t take long to convince the bartender to part with the four bottles of tequila that were hidden behind the bar.  Shepard learned a long time ago that credits break just about every language and race barrier. They found a table in the corner and started trading stories while slamming back shots.

Vega was almost as rowdy a drunk as Shepard was. _Almost._ They were halfway through the last bottle when they became too rowdy for Purgatory.  They leaned on each other while stumbling out of the club towards the elevator.  It wasn’t a long ride up to the docks and bay D24.

“You’re kind of hot, Lola.” Vega leaned back against the wall with a thud. “You’re a little blurry at the moment.”

Shepard gave into the alcohol-fueled curiosity and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss the Lieutenant.  He seemed shocked at first, then strong arms wrapped around her.  He crushed her against him, and their kiss deepened.  They were both too drunk to notice when the elevator doors opened.

“Am I _interrupting?”_

Vega shoved Shepard away at the sound of Hackett’s voice.  The Commander was drunk enough that the momentum sent her to the floor where she banged her head against the wall.  She rubbed the back of her head.  She glanced back up to find a very angry Hackett standing over her.

“Well, shit.” Shepard struggled to get to her feet while Vega bolted from the elevator.

“I was under the impression that we…”Hackett reached out to steady Shepard on her feet before she fell back over.

“That we what? We’ve slept together once and flirted a lot.  That is the sum total of whatever the hell you think this is.” Shepard started towards the _Normandy_ airlock.  She needed coffee or sleep or maybe a lot more tequila.  She also needed a clear head to deal with Hackett.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Hackett wrapped his hand tightly around her arm and pulled her back towards him. “You’re not getting off that easily.”

“That’s the fucking problem.” Shepard stumbled a little while he guided her towards a nearby skycab. “I have a war to…do something with.”

“That is very encouraging.  Maybe you should wait until you’re sober.” Hackett raised an eyebrow at her then helped her into the cab.

“This is kidnapping,” Shepard muttered in drunken annoyance. “I could shoot you.”

“You’d have to be able to see straight in order to accomplish that.” Hackett headed towards his apartment on the Citadel.

“Bastard.” Shepard closed her eyes and hoped that the world would stop spinning.

“Do you always kiss people when you’ve been drinking?” Hackett glanced over at her.

“I’ve never kissed Wrex, and we’ve gotten drunk several times together.” Shepard was beginning to regret the entire concept of tequila.

Hackett made a pained sound but decided to let it go for the moment.  He pulled the skycab down onto the deck outside the building.  He got out then helped Shepard up out of the vehicle and led her up to his apartment.  Shepard tried to convince herself that she wasn’t that drunk, but the room was moving in ways it shouldn’t have.  She collapsed on the couch just inside the living room face forward with a grunt.

“So why Vega?” Hackett sat on the edge of his coffee table in front of the couch.

Shepard rolled slowly over on her back so that she could look over at Hackett. “He’s…very large.”

“Large?” Hackett frowned at her.

“Mushles. Musk…”Shepard frowned back at him.” Muscles. He has them.”

“You should sleep off the tequila, and then we can talk.” Hackett had clearly given up on any thoughts of serious conversation.

Shepard reached out to grasp the front of his shirt. She yanked him towards her but he braced his hands on the edge of the couch, his lips were barely an inch away from hers.

“What about the Lieutenant?” There was a dark look in Hackett’s eyes that Shepard couldn’t quite decipher in her inebriated state.

“Experience always wins over youth.” Shepard grinned wickedly up at him.

Hackett leaned in a little closer; his lips close enough that she could almost taste him. “I don’t share.”

“You’ve no claim on me.  And neither does Vega,” Shepard laughed. “I think you’re jealous. And I don’t think you like it.”

Hackett leaned in a little closer. “I think I should let you rest.”

“I am not that drunk.” She gripped his shirt even tighter.

“I wasn’t the one kissing an upstart marine,” Hackett reminded her.

“You _are_ jealous.” Shepard tried to pull him closer, but he held back. “I was dead for two years, then in fucking prison for six months.  I am beyond giving a shit about male egos. What do _you_ want?”

Hackett slowly leaned forward and once again his lips were tantalizingly close. “I think that I’ll answer that question when I’m certain that you’ll remember the conversation.”

“Bastard.”

Hackett started to respond but realized that she had already started to snore. 


	21. Chapter 21

_Fuck_.

Shepard rolled over on her bed, and belated realized that she’d been sleeping on a couch.  There was a muffled thud when she hit the floor. _Fucking hell._ This was not the _Normandy._ Then it all came rushing back to her.  Tequila was a mother fucker.

“I’m going to kill that bartender, and then I’m going to kill Vega.” Shepard waited for the pressure in her head to ease up before trying to sit up.

Despite the throbbing in her head, she opened her eyes to glance around.  There was a glass of water and two aspirin sitting on the coffee table in front of her.  She took the aspirin then considered her options.  Hackett was nowhere to be seen at the moment.

 _Escape_.

Her hand was just reaching up to unlock the door when a strong hand grasped her shoulder.  She leaned her head against the door with a sigh.  She let Hackett guide her back over to the couch.  She was definitely regretting waking up.  Sleep was the best escape; nobody bothered someone who was dead to the world.

“Going somewhere, Shepard?” Hackett took a seat on the coffee table so that they were facing each other.

“Hell, probably.” Shepard rubbed her temples with her fingers. “You are very, very loud.”

“That would be the tequila talking.” Hackett glanced down to find the glass empty and aspirin missing from the table.

“I should get back to the _Normandy._ ” Shepard found herself momentarily distracted by the grey t-shirt and blue boxers that Hackett was wearing “Nice shirt.”

“I think we need to clarify a few things first.” Hackett was not going to be sidetracked.

Shepard briefly considered pretending that she couldn’t remember a thing.

“And before you start claiming alcohol amnesia, I’m referring to finding you in an elevator with Lieutenant Vega.” Hackett leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs.

“Well, how else were we supposed to get back to the dock?” Shepard was in desperate need of coffee or more tequila, nope, definitely coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

“Shepard.”

“There it is,” she sighed. “I recognize that tone in your voice.  It’s my least favorite.  It’s the one that usually indicates trouble of the not so fun variety. Could I have coffee first? And maybe sex? Sex would be good. Then you can get all annoyed with me.”

“And what about Vega?”

“What about him? We kissed, that’s all. We were both very, very drunk.  And you have impeccable fucking timing.” Shepard wasn’t in the mood to play around if coffee, food or sex weren’t going to be offered.

Hackett raised an eyebrow at her. “You are many things, Shepard, but a coward is not one of them.”

Shepard clenched her fists at her side. “What the fuck?”

“I had a lot of time to think last night.  And it occurred to me that Vega is like Alenko in one very specific way.  They are both the kind of men that are easy for you to play with.  I’m not easy, and you can’t toy with me.” Hackett reached out to unclench her fists with his fingers.  “And running away is not something that I usually associate with Commander Shepard.”

“I was not…” Shepard trailed off at the look on Hackett’s face. He had a point which just pissed her off even more. “Bastard.”

“I meant what I said last night.  I don’t share and certainly not with a boy like that.” Hackett ignored the expletive.

Shepard stood and walked over to look out his living room window.  She played with men usually.  Life had never given her a desire for more from a relationship.  Fucking, both literally and figuratively, around with Vega would be fun, but it wouldn’t last.  The lieutenant wasn’t interested in doing more than going much further beyond flirting, and they both knew that. 

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Hackett come up behind her.  His hands gripped her hips and spun her around.  She found herself pressed back against the window.  His hands tightened on her sides as he pressed his body flush against hers.  Her mind went rather inconveniently blank. 

“I waited a very long time to have you in my hands, and I didn’t wait all that time just to let someone else step in front of me.” He bent over to kiss her neck as he spoke.  His beard brushed against her skin sending shivers down her spine.

Shepard wasn’t about to let him think he’d won the upper hand in their discussion.  She slid her hands up under his shirt.  Her nails ran lightly over his sides and around his back.  She pushed up until his shirt was over his head.  She tossed it behind them.  She turned her focus towards him.  Their lips crashed together and by the time that they came up for air.  She was naked, and his boxers were on the ground.

“I never imagined that Admiral Hackett was the jealous type.” She smirked up at him after she’d leaned back against the window.

His eyes narrowed when she laughed.  His hands moved around to lift her up.  She wrapped her legs around him. They didn’t make it to the couch.  He took her up against the wall, hot and fast. They both slid down to the floor when they were finished.

“Angry sex is the best,” Shepard muttered while she rolled over on her back to catch her breath.

“No more Vega.” Hackett slowly got to his feet and then reached down to lift her up off the ground.

“Oh fine.” She tossed his boxers over to him then wandered around the room to find her clothes.  “Of course, there’s always…”

Hackett’s arm shot out to grab her and yank her back against him.  His mouth slammed against hers cutting off what she’d been about to say.

She grinned against his lips. “I do believe mentioning something about experience always winning.”


	22. Chapter 22

“So that was fun.  I especially liked the way you let me on the elevator floor.” Shepard leaned against the counter in the mess where Vega was making breakfast. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you run that fast.”

Vega paled a little but he kept his attention on the plate in his hands. “Think of it as self-preservation, Lola.”

Shepard reached out to grab the plate of food that Vega had made for himself. “Consider this payment of a debt owed.”

“Hey Lola, where the hell did you go last night?” Vega asked just as he was heading for the elevator.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Shepard smirked at him then disappeared around the corner.

They were headed for Tuchanka to cure the genophage.  The fucking dalatrass tried to blackmail her into betraying Wrex. Shepard hadn’t considered the offer for a second.  Mostly because if she pissed Wrex off, where the hell would she get the ryncol from? The other reason was that the dalatrass made a critical error in judgment.  Shepard might be a cold-hearted bitch, but she was fucking loyal one.

_Fucking Salarian._

In the end, it was a salarian that sacrificed everything for the cure. It was more than just a little ironic.  Shepard hated losing friends. But at least, they had the krogans on board now.  And she had another reason to destroy the reapers.

Two hours later, Shepard, Vega and Garrus were shooting their way across the Citadel. _Goddamn fucking Cerberus._ The jumpy bitches with swords were a new thing.  Who the fuck brings a sword to a gun fight? _Idiots._ A shotgun blast to the head stopped the hoppy little shits dead in their tracks.  And it was satisfying as well. 

As if her day couldn’t get any more aggravating, Shepard found herself gun to gun with Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams after a crazy ride on top of the fucking elevator.  Udina was practically frothing at the mouth trying to convince everyone that she was the traitor.  _Asshole._

“Stand the fuck down, Williams.” Shepard tightened her grip on her pistol. “Udina is working with Cerberus.  The salarian councilor has the proof.”

Ashley’s only response was to step between Udina and Shepard. The human councilor used the opportunity to dart towards the control panel to open the doors.  Shepard couldn’t risk being caught between Udina and the Cerberus troops that were headed their way. 

“You need to move Ash, I don’t want to shoot you.” Shepard tried one last time.

“No, Commander, I won’t let you betray the Alliance again.” Ashley raised her pistol.

Shepard pulled the trigger without a second thought.  Williams dropped to the ground with a bullet-sized hole between her eyes.  Shepard swung her pistol to the right and fired a second time.  Udina crumpled to the ground.  She had to resist the urge to rush over and unload the rest of the clip into his traitorous body.

“Thank you, Commander.” The turian councilor stepped towards her.

“This is the collateral damage that happens when you question the one person fighting hardest to end this goddamn war.” Shepard gestured angrily towards Ashley’s body, and then stormed away from all of them.

Shepard was furious. Ash was a pain in the ass, but putting a bullet through her brain weighed heavy on the Commander. There were a lot of deaths that she intended to lay at The Illusive Man’s feet.  Then she would separate his head from his body and launch into space.

The debrief with Anderson and Hackett was short.  Shepard was grateful because wasn’t in the mood to deal with either of them.  She was in desperate need of a break.  The message regarding shore-leave was perfect timing.  She planned on getting fucking wasted.  She let Traynor inform the rest of the crew while she went down to add three names to the memorial wall.

_Ashley Williams_

_Thane Krios_

_Mordin Solus_

 


	23. Chapter 23

The next person to mention fish or fish tanks was going to die a slow and painful death.  Brooks rambling in her ear really wasn’t helping her mood any either.  Shepard slowly maneuvered from one ledge to the next, then down a series of ladders. _Fucking shore-leave._ Someone was definitely going to die today.

It was just her fucking luck that more of the mercs were between her and the skycar lot.  She scoped and dropped the fuckers that she could see so quickly that even Garrus would’ve been impressed.  There weren’t anymore in the immediate area, os she slid down the last ladder.  Help was on the way according to Liara, but one pistol and no medi-gel was making getting to her back-up a little tricky.

When she finally made it across to the lot, she stepped through the doors to find two dead mercs on the floor and Admiral Hackett with a fucking shotgun in his hand.  He was in Alliance issue combat fatigues instead of his usual dress blues.  He looked slightly disheveled and fucking hot.

“Go for a swim?” He tossed medi-gel at her while keeping watch for more mercs.

“I don’t _want_ to talk about it.” Shepard glared at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Shooting people.” He followed her over to find the control panel to open the gate. “Who the hell did you piss off this time?”

“Why does everyone automatically assume it was something _I_ did?” Shepard kicked at the door blocking them from the panel. She watched in announce as the Admiral talked the volus into opening the gates for them.

“Because they’ve met you.” Wrex’s voice over her comm interrupted her whining.

“Wrex, unless you have ryncol, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m fucking busy.” Shepard stepped out onto the deck towards the C-sec shuttle waiting for them.  Seconds later, it was destroyed, the mercs inside were dead, and Wrex was tossing a rather impressive, heavy weapon to her. “I appear to be less busy now.”

“Good to see you too, Shepard.” Wrex laughed then headed off to find more men in blue armor to kill.

They were back at her apartment waiting for Liara and Glyph to work their magic when she realized that Hackett hadn’t actually answered her question.  She wandered around the apartment looking for him. She finally found him on the second floor looking intently at one of Anderson’s paintings.

“So why the hell were you close enough to help out?” Shepard asked.

“I’m attending a charity event later today.  I just happened to pick up the distress call from Joker.” Hackett stepped closer to the painting. “What is this?”

“I’ve got no fucking clue.” Shepard glanced from the artwork over to Hackett who was still in fatigues.  She reached out to run her hand down his back. “You were…”

Hackett turned his full attention towards her. “Yes?”

“Shepard, we found something.” Liara’s voice interrupted, and Shepard pulled her hand away with a sigh.

It turned out that they needed to sneak into the casino where the charity event was being held.  Hackett offered to share the tickets that he had.  Shepard would go as his date, while Brooks snuck into the vents to find the safe room.

Liara helped Shepard get into the goddamn fucking dress that she had to wear.  It was worse than torture.  She would rather face a goddamn thresher maw or reaper or both on foot again.  She cussed all the way downstairs until she spotted Hackett stepping into the main living room.  He was dressed in a black tuxedo.

 _Damn_.

A quiet cough informed Shepard that she had stopped half-way down the stairs.  Hackett walked up to her and offered his arm.

“If you don’t stop staring at me like that, I swear to god that I’ll drag you into the bedroom and rip that suit off your body.” Shepard leaned in to whisper to him while she rested her hand on his arm.

Hackett just patted her hand with his. “Keep moving.  I’m finding it hard to resist the urge to just take you up against the wall.”

“It’s going to be a long night,” Shepard groaned.

Shepard decided that the dress wasn’t nearly as painful as trying to feign interested in all the fucking idiots at the party.  Mingling was _not_ one of her talents.  Once Brooks was in the vent, Shepard focused her attention on keeping an eye on all the guards.

Brooks ran into a few problems, naturally.  Shepard was trying to hack one of the security devices when one of the guards spotted her.

“Shit.”

She leaned against the wall behind her then reached out to yank Hackett tightly against her body.

“What are _you_ doing?” He murmured against her ear.

“I’m trying to avoid a guard while this hack finished.” Her breath caught when Hackett caressed the side of her neck with his cheek, his beard tickling the soft skin. _This is torture._ “Ok, finished.”

The whole fucking evening was torture.  Her shoes were killing her feet. The dress was beyond obnoxious.  And fucking the Admiral of the fleet in a crowded casino was definitely out the question. The tightness in his pants seemed to indicate that he was just as interested as she was. 

“Kill me now,” she muttered to herself while they headed towards the next terminal that needed to be hacked.

Brooks finally got through to the safe room, and they snuck in only to find Khan dead. The mystery only deepened when she activated the comm. It was a seemingly dead end.  But Shepard decided to take the drives back to EDI. 

Shepard stormed up to the bedroom where her clothes were.  She was going to burn the fucking dress and shoes.   She remembered after a few minutes of struggling that Liara had to help her get into the damn thing.

“Shit.”

“Let me help.” Hackett’s hands brushed hers aside, and he slowly slid the zipper of her dress down.  He pushed it off her shoulders, and it slid to the floor.  His knuckles slowly caressed the skin from the base of her spine up to her neck. 

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment trying to gather strength to do what she needed to. “Stop.”

Hackett rested his hand lightly on the back of her neck. “Why?”

“I need a favor.” Shepard turned around to face him. “I need you to get some information from Commander Bailey.  They won’t suspect you, and I can’t trust comms right now.”

“And it can’t wait?” Hackett sounded suspicious.

“Sadly, no.” She moved away from his tempting hands and began pulling her underwear then armor. “I need information on recent arrives at the docks since the coup. These bastards didn’t just appear out of nowhere.”

“Do not leave until I get back,” Hackett ordered before heading out of the room.

Shepard waited until she was sure that he was gone.  Then she raced down to see if EDI was finished.  There was no way that she was going to risk the Admiral getting injured.  And she sure as hell wasn’t going to fucking analyze why she felt that way either.  They were gone well before the Admiral made it back from C-Sec.

_Three Hours Later_

Shepard dismissed Joker, and he followed Wrex out of her apartment.  She trudged up to the bedroom with the hot tub, slowly stripping her armor off piece by piece.  She was naked by the time she got into the room.  She eased into the water and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

“Long day?”

Shepard wasn’t surprised to find Hackett leaning against the doorway with a steely glint in his eyes.

_Shit._

“I apparently had a clone. She’s dead. Brooks was a former Cerberus agent. She’s dead. And I almost fell out of the _Normandy_ ’s shuttle bay door.” Shepard watched while he casually removed his clothing.  He laid them on the bed then moved closer.

“And you wanted me out of the way, why?” Hackett’s voice was a deadly calm.  He stepped down into the hot tub beside her.

Shepard ignored the question.  She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the tub.  She felt him moving beside her and opened her eyes to find Hackett directly in front of her.  His hand rested on either side of the tub behind her.

Hackett kissed his way across her collarbone then up her neck.  He paused a moment to whisper in her ear. “I’m beginning to think that you might actually care about me.”

Shepard wrapped her legs around his waist and lifted her hips to press up against him.  She wasn’t ready to think or talk about feelings, so she shut him up the only way that she knew how.


	24. Chapter 24

It hadn’t been the best day on record for Shepard.  The goddamn docking tube had fallen out from under her feet, reminding her a little too much of being spaced.  Then the quarians tried to blow her out of the sky. Shepard was not impressed by this.  She thought she’d been remarkably restrained. She’d only slammed her fist into one of the admirals, and she didn’t shoot Admiral Xen when she tried to dissect Legion. He might be a creepy tin can with a flashlight for a head, but he was her creepy tin can.

They had already taken care of the geth fighter squadrons. They were supposed to be heading back to Rannoch to rescue one of the idiot quarian admirals when Shepard had a goddamn attack; she refused to say panic attack, in the middle of the fucking CIC. Traynor wanted to call Doctor Chakwas.  Shepard threatened to forcibly remove her vocal cords one at a time.  When she got her breathing under control, she set an immediate course for the Citadel. Rannoch could fucking wait. 

The minute that the _Normandy_ docked at bay D24, Shepard was out the airlock and headed for her apartment.  She spent the next four hours slamming her fists into the punching bag.  Violence was the only way that she had ever known to deal with her problems.  Her knuckles were starting to look like raw meat by the time that her last punch knocked the damn bag off the chain.

“Weak piece of shit.” Shepard grabbed the bag and launched it across the room.  It slammed into the wall, leaving a dent. 

She felt the energy building up inside her.  A rage that threatened to consume her, she stormed into the living quarters to vent it on the piano. By the time that she was done, it closely resembled a pile of toothpicks and firewood.  Her knees gave out, and she sank to the floor beside the debris.  She collapsed onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.

There was a chime at the door, but she ignored it.  Her vid-comm started making noises.  It could flash and chirp all the fuck it wanted. Her omni-tool was the next to indicate a contact request, so she tossed it across the room. _Stupid thing._

The bed seemed very far away. _Very._ She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the various noises in the apartment.  Someone _really_ wanted to talk to her. _Noisy fuckers._

“Are you drunk?” A familiar voice came from the doorway as it opened without any assistance from Shepard.

“Not even a little.” Shepard groaned, maybe the four hours of punching shit had been a little excessive.

Hackett crouched down next to her, surviving the wreckage that had once been a musical instrument. He picked up one of her hands to check out the bruised knuckles.

“I heard that there were a few _difficulties_ with the geth dreadnought.” Hackett finally spoke.

“Admiral Gerrel has a few broken…do quarians have ribs?” Shepard pulled herself up into a seated position. “I’ll have to ask Tali.”

“Was that really necessary?” Hackett pulled her up off the floor, and they headed over to sit on the couch side by side.

“He’s lucky that I didn’t shoot him,” Shepard grumbled. “Might still do it.”

“We need them.” Hackett reached out to brush specks of wood from her hair. “I’m surprised that’s all you broke.”

“I ran out of energy.” Shepard shrugged and then shifted on the couch until her head was resting in Hackett’s lap and her legs were stretched out on the sofa. “What are you doing here?”

“Traynor mentioned that you had a…well, in any case, she thought that someone should check in on you.” Hackett continued pulling slivers of wood from her hair and clothes. “The crew nominated me.”

“Cowards.”

“You did threaten to remove her vocal cords.” Hackett leaned a little further back against the couch.

“She wanted to call the doc.  The last thing I wanted was another lecture.  Fucking woman,” Shepard grumbled.

“Do you plan…” Hackett’s voice trailed off when he realized that Shepard’s eyes were closed and she had finally drifted off to sleep.  He chuckled softly.  Shepard trusted no one, and the fact that she had fallen asleep in his lap, told him more than anything she could say. 

Three days later, Hackett found himself breaking into her apartment once again.  He had read the reports on how she had challenged the reaper alone, on foot with nothing but a blasted laser gun.

“I could shoot you.” Shepard was sitting on a recliner with a glass of green liquid that he recognized as ryncol.  He stared pointedly at the glass. “What? Wrex sent me a gift.”

“Remind me to have a long talk with that Krogan,” Hackett sighed. He took a seat on the couch across from her recliner.

“You read the report.” Shepard was watching him closely. “Before you start, just remember, my plan worked. We’re down a reaper, and up two fleets for the price of one.”

Hackett raised his eyebrow at her. He watched while she drank the rest of her ryncol and then set the glass carefully on the ground.  She stood and walked slowly over to the couch. As she came closer, she discarded her shirt and pants.  She moved up onto the couch.  Her legs were straddling his. Her arms reached back to hold onto the edge of the couch for balance. 

Her lips hovered over his. “I can think of a long list of things that I would rather be doing right now that doesn’t involve rehashing my last mission.”

He leaned forward to capture her lips with his, but she dodged away with a smirk.  Hackett grabbed hold of her by the waist and lifted her up.  He swung her around and down onto the couch on her back.  He straddled her this time, his hands holding hers above her head as he leaned down for the kiss that she’d ducked away from.

“That’s definitely going on the list,” Shepard muttered against his lips before wrapping her legs around his waist. “High up on the list.”


	25. Chapter 25

_Fucking Kai Leng. Goddamn bastard._

Thessia was lost. And Cerberus had definitely won this round.  Shepard had spoken with the asari councilor, yelled at Joker and ignored Hackett.   They headed straight for Sanctuary on Horizon hoping to catch the jumpy bastard. The only thing they’d found was something that went far beyond the atrocities of war.  Miranda and her sister were safer, and her mad scientist father was dead.  Bastard.

She was going to rip the Illusive Man limb from limb when she finally caught up with him. She couldn’t understand how he could claim to be protecting humanity while he tortured scores of innocent refugees.  _Fucking bastard_.  This was not going to end well for Cerberus.  Shepard ordered Joker to head for the Citadel.  She needed to clear her mind before the assault on the Cerberus station.

Shepard barely made it into her apartment before she lost her goddamn mind.  She heard a scream. It took a moment to register that it was her voice.  She slammed her fist into the nearest object that she could find. Unfortunately, the nearest wall was a fucking glass wall. The glass shattered on impact and giant shards rained down on her.  If she’d been wearing armor, it wouldn’t have mattered, but she’d stopped to change into cargo pants and her N7 hoodie before leaving the _Normandy._

_FUCK._

“This is Commander Shepard to C-sec Headquarters; I need medical assistance to my location immediately,” Shepard yelled into her comm while trying to carefully move away from the sharp objects. 

She looked down to find a shard of glass embedded into her arm. There were too many wounds for her to register all the places that the glass had cut.  The one in her arm was definitely the worst, however.  _Hackett was going to be very, very angry._  It was the last thought that crossed her mind before she passed out.

_Shit._

That was the first thought that came to her mind several hours later when she woke up in a hospital bed.  Her head felt incredibly fuzzy.  Her eyes _seemed_ to be having trouble opening.  She scrunched them together and then finally blinked them open.  Hospitals were apparently fucking bright.  She started to lift her hand up to cover her eyes and found that her arm was strapped down with wires and bandages.  Her entire body hurt like a motherfucker.  This might count as her worst idea to date.

Then she caught sight of the man slouched down in the chair next to the bed.

“Commander Shepard, you’re awake.” Doctor Michel stepped into the room before Shepard could say anything to the sleeping man. “You’ll be pleased to know that we were able to get the glass out of your arm.  It’s going to take a day or two to heal completely. So take it easy on yourself.  I’ll be back to check in on you later.”

“Shepard, the next time that you feel the need to vent your frustration, please try to channel it into something that can’t kill you,” Hackett spoke once the doctor had left. “I can’t afford to lose you.”

“I know the damn reapers and all that.” Shepard closed her eyes and exhaled loudly.

Hackett stepped over to the bed to take her hand. “Damn the reapers.  I don’t want to lose you with or without the goddamn war.”

Shepard went very still.

_What the hell was the man saying?_

He bent down to whisper in her ear. “I have to send you out to the front lines. But you damn well better come back to me. Do you _understand?”_

“This is all damned inconvenient.” Shepard stared up at the ceiling for a moment. “I shoot things, Hackett.  Emotions aren’t easy for me to figure out. I can’t sight them down the barrel of a gun.”

Hackett just chuckled. He kissed her on the lips gently. “I love you too, Commander.”

 


	26. Chapter 26

_You come back to me._

The words were playing in her head over and over. 

Shepard was standing in the vehicle with the other soldiers about to attempt to make a run for the beam to hit the Citadel.  This was her one damn chance to end the Reapers.  She hadn’t been able to speak to Hackett since after they ended Cerberus.  _Fucking Cerberus._ Kai Leng was dead, and who the fuck knew where the Illusive Man had run off to.  It hadn’t surprised her that the slimy bastard had slunk off before she arrived.  He would always have an escape plan.

There was no time to think any more.  The race for the beam went well until fucking Harbinger arrived. The phrase _hell in a hand basket_ had never been more appropriate.  Shepard would never know how the hell she got to the beam.  Her armor had practically disintegrated. But there she was, on the Citadel in what was probably a keeper tunnel field with dead bodies.  Anderson’s voice was coming through loud and clear though, and she did what she did best, soldiered on.

_The goddamn fucking Illusive Man._

She shot the bastard.  Not before he forced her to shoot Anderson, but she put a fucking bullet through his brain.  She wasn’t going to let him shoot himself.  She resisted the urge to stomp his brains out with her boot.  She limped over to Anderson who was bleeding out.  _Fuck_.

“Sorry about your car.” She said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m proud of you, Shepard.” Anderson patted her hand with an amused smile.

She started to respond, but the Admiral slumped to the side.  She knew he was gone. She bit through her lip to hold back the tears.  She might not have always agreed with him, but he was a damn good Admiral.  He could have let her rot in prison for stealing that damn skycar, but he…the reapers were going to pay for this.

“Shepard? Commander?”

Shepard heard Hackett over the comm. “What?”

“The crucible’s not firing.” Hackett sounded rushed. “Commander Shepard!”

“I’m trying here, Admiral. I’m not fucking superwoman.” Shepard stumbled over to the panel, and her hand slammed into the buttons.  There was a sound, but Shepard passed out before she saw where it came from.

She awoke to an eerie silence.  Her eyes opened to nothing but such darkness that she worried for a second that she’d gone blind.  She slowly adjusted to the darkness.  Debris had trapped her while she was knocked out.  _Shit._ She shifted around trying to find an angle that would provide escape.  It took what seemed like hours before she was finally able to slide out from under the metal parts. 

She was still in the central room. Anderson’s body was gone.  She limped over to the Illusive Man’s body and kicked his head until it was unrecognizable. _Bastard._

“Is anyone there? Hackett? Admiral? Joker?”

She tried several channels over the comm, but there was nothing.  The windows were covered by smoke so she couldn’t even see what was left, if anything, of the Citadel.  They didn’t appear to be crashing out of space.  And she could steal breathe, so that was a good sign.  She limped down the keeper tunnels for hours.  If she spent what little of her life was left, alone, on the fucking Citadel, she was going to lose her goddamn mind. 

“Is _anyone_ alive?” She yelled over the comms every few steps in the faint hope that someone, anyone, was fucking out there.

The tunnels went on for fucking ever.  Every time that she thought she had reached a dead-end, there was another fucking tunnel.  Her omni-tool was on the fritz so she couldn’t even tell if she was going in circles.  There was one bullet left in her pistol. She was saving that just in case she really was trapped on the Citadel on her own.

“Bailey?”

_Nothing._

“I hate talking to myself.” She muttered in annoyance.

“This…one…did…”

It was faint and unintelligible, but Shepard would’ve sworn that was Joker.

“Joker? It’s Shepard. Can you hear me? Goddamn it.” Shepard cursed her completely lack of ability at tech shit.

“This is the _Normandyyyyy.”_ Joker’s voice came through then, stronger. “…der Shepard? Where are….”

“I have no fucking clue where I am. My omni-tool isn’t working. I’m stuck in a fucking keeper tunnel.” Shepard continued walking.  She was still bleeding from the wound on her side, and she had no idea how long it would be before help arrived. If she bled out before someone found her, she was going to be one pissed off ghost. “Joker?”

“Hearing you loud and clear, Shepard.” Joker sounded the happiest that she’d ever heard him. “You did it, Commander. The reaper forces are dead.  Commander Bailey is patched in.  He’s going to try and track your movements.”

“Tell him to hurry.”  Shepard felt an intense pain in her side that forced her to her knees. “Joker, I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything, Commander.”

“Send Hackett a message for me.” Shepard pressed her hand tightly against the wound.  The pain helped keep her focused. “Tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back.”

“Shepard? Damn it.” Joker paused to whisper something to someone that she couldn’t hear. It sounded like Traynor though. “Shepard? You stay awake.”

“Send the message for me, Joker. That’s an order.” She gritted her teeth and tried to push forward on her hands and knees.  She didn’t make it far before she collapsed again. “Please.”

“Aye, aye.”

There was a prolonged silence while Shepard tried very hard to stay awake.  She was started to drift off when Joker came back over the comm.

“Commander? Shepard? You still there?”

“Go ahead, Joker.” Shepard didn’t like giving up, so while she spoke, she dragged herself forward an inch at a time. The goddamn tunnels had to end at some point. _Right?_

“I’ve got someone that is rather insistent on speaking with you. Patching him through.” Joker disconnected before she could ask him who.

“Shepard?”

_Goddamn that son-of-a-bitch pilot._

“I’m here.” Shepard’s voice was barely a whisper; she hoped that Hackett could hear her.

“We’re going to find you.” He sounded very confident.

“Anderson’s dead.  The Illusive Man was indoctrinated. He’s dead too.” Shepard stopped moving for a moment to catch her breath. 

“You just stay alive, Shepard. Do you hear me? That’s a goddamn order.” Hackett got loud when she didn’t respond. “Answer me, Commander. _Shepard!_ ”

“I’m dying, not deaf.” She muttered.  He was very loud when he wanted to be. “How are the fleets?”

“Better than we hoped.” Hackett gave her a lengthy sit-rep.

She got the feeling that he was hoping to distract her to keep her awake.  It wasn’t working.  Her breathing was getting shallow which was never a good sign.  Still, she kept moving and kept listening.  She’d survived Torfan.  Hell, she had come back from the dead once already.  She could do this.  She slipped and hit her chin on the floor. _Fucking hell._

“Hey, Hackett,” she muttered with her face pressed into the cool metal floor.

“Yes?” He paused mid-sentence.

“Shut up.”

He chuckled.

Shepard tried to pull herself up to keep moving, but her strength was gone.  She slumped back down with a sigh. “I can’t keep moving. I’m losing more blood than I can afford and I’m not making any goddamn headway. Fucking tunnels go on forever.”

“You…”

“Just stop.” She rolled over on her back.  She was tired of her nose being shoved into the fucking floor. “I can’t drag myself any further.  I can’t.  And you don’t know where the fuck I am.”

“We will find you, goddamn it.” Hackett wasn’t going to give up.

“The gods of war always require a sacrifice.” Shepard closed her eyes for a moment.  The lights hurt less when her eyes were closed. “They can have me.”

“No, they fucking can’t have you. Do you hear me, Shepard? They cannot have you. You stay alive.” Hackett sounded out of breath.

“It’s really quiet up here.” Shepard was starting to drift away and she knew it. _Damn it._ She pulled herself together. “I just wanted to say that I love…”

“Shepard?” Hackett’s voice echoed over the comm, but there was no response.  He glanced over at Commander Bailey who was racing along beside him.

They had sent teams of two into the various reaper tunnels trying to track Shepard. The two men started to move faster when they realized that Shepard was no longer conscious.  The Admiral didn’t want to think too closely at the idea that he might lose the Commander for a second time.  Anderson was dead.  The gods of war had their goddamn sacrifice as far as he was concerned.

“Admiral Hackett, we found her!” Vega’s voice came over the comm. “She’s alive, barely. She’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Get her to Huerta, Lieutenant. We’ll meet you there.” Hackett spun around and began retracing his steps. 

It took him an hour to find his way out of the maze of tunnels back to the main part of the Citadel.  Commander Bailey headed off to start getting this stabilized on the station.  Hackett paced outside the hospital room where the doctors were trying to save Shepard.  He’d gotten a glimpse of her briefly before they shoved him out of the room.  It hadn’t looked good.

Hours passed before finally, Doctor Chakwas stepped in front of him to stop his incessant pacing. He looked up at her, trying to decipher from her expression if it was good or bad news.

“She’s stable.  She’s not awake, but she’s going to make it.” Chakwas put him out of his misery. “They’re moving her into the room that Lieutenant-Commander Williams was in previously. You can check in on her if you like.”

“Thanks, doc.” Hackett shook her hand and then headed into the room.

Shepard was hooked up to a variety of monitors.  She looked pale…tired. But she was alive.  He sank down into the chair by the bed.  His knees giving out on him, he couldn’t remember the last time that he was so overwhelmed with relief. The reapers were finally defeated.  Earth was safe.  And the woman on the bed in front of him was just too damn stubborn to die. 

He fell asleep in the chair with his hand holding tightly to hers.  He was out for a few hours, but awoke when the hand he was holding began to try to pull away. He sat up in the chair quickly to find a pair of familiar green eyes twinkling at him.

“You’re not dead.” He smiled at her.

“I’m fairly confident that I’m not dead.  There’s no way that I’m making it into heaven, and you certainly don’t belong in hell.” Shepard began slowly stretching her hands to make sure everything worked. She finally looked back over at him. “You sure yell a lot.”

“You were fading out on me.” He reached out to grasp her hand tightly once again. “I couldn’t let you have the last word.”

“This is a disaster waiting to happen.” She motioned between the two of them.

Hackett got to his feet and stepped over to the bed. He sat on the edge of it. He reached down to brush a strand of hair from her eyes and then leaned down to gently kiss her. “I think if we can survive the collectors, the reapers and Cerberus, I can somehow manage to deal with one renegade heart.”

**Author's Note:**

> My original author's note for this story: A/N:  
> I’ll admit to be a little torn with this story. I’ve got two distinct paths that I could take with a Renegade Shepard so I’m going down one and if I hates the precious, I’ll go back and fix it lol.  
> Or maybe I’ll make a second version that explores the other path.  
> I always feel like the Authors Notes are where authors talk to themselves. =)  
> Bioware owns all. Sadly.  
> Read. Enjoy. Review. Be sure to review and let me know if this is worth exploring completely.


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